This is an example of what I like to call a “Career Defining Moment”.

by Meredith on August 17, 2011

Career Defining Moments are those moments you wish you could take back.

Maybe you cussed out your boss.  Maybe you lied on your resume.  Maybe you called in sick on one too many Mondays.

Whatever it was, this was the moment that broke your employer and left them no choice but to fire you.

As an HR Manager, I’ve seen many people lose their fabulous jobs over something really stupid.  They’ve stolen $5 in gas for their personal vehicle, they’ve wrote on Facebook about their hatred for the company (and forgot they had their boss and the owner), and I’ve even witnessed someone come to work drunk and drive a semi truck into another semi truck.  These are all great examples of Career Defining Moments.

But I have to say, Stephanie Robinette (not an employee of mine), really takes the Career Defining Moment cake when she was recently fired from her job as a school teacher.

Stephanie (of Westerville, OH) got super wasted at a wedding reception.  She also got into a big fight with her husband.  I’m not sure what he did to make her hit him several times in the parking lot of the reception hall, but I do know Stephanie was having the worst day ever.

After striking her husband several times, Stephanie locked herself in the family car as local police arrived on the scene.  The cops demanded Stephanie exit the car so that they could most likely arrest her for assaulting her husband.  As any drunk person (who sees their career & marriage flashing before their eyes) would do…  Stephanie yelled a plethora of swear words at the officers and refused to leave the vehicle.

After much back and forth, Stephanie solidified her Career Defining Moment.

She rolled down her window and shot the police.

With her breast milk.

COME ON, STEPHANIE!  HOW MUCH DID YOU HAVE TO DRINK?

Many things crossed my mind when I read this news story.

  1. Why are you wasting good breast milk?  That stuff is like liquid gold.
  2. Were you planning to pump and dump when you got home?  Or is this why your baby sleeps through the night?
  3. Did you catch your husband making out with another woman in the coat room?  Because I really can’t think of anything else that would make me completely lose my mind.
  4. What was the reaction of the policemen that you were spraying?  Did they puke?
  5. You must have really nice boobs.  Because I just cannot imagine whipping mine out at a wedding reception.
  6. Was the bride crying?  I think I would have cried if this happened at my wedding reception.
  7. Selma Hayek is going to be super pissed that you didn’t find a starving African baby to randomly breastfeed.

Anyway, Stephanie has since lost her job as a school teacher.  She lost her job before she even went to court, where she was convicted of obstructing official police business and ordered to pay a $200 fine. Obviously, Stephanie had a wonderful lawyer.  But even her wonderful lawyer can’t get her job back.

So let this be a lesson to you, ladies.  Don’t ever get drunk at a wedding , punch your husband, lock yourself in the family car, and spray the police with your breast milk.  You can thank me later for giving you this advice.

What was she thinking?

{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }

Steph

Oh dear.

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Kate

hahahahaha…lesson learned.

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Holly

Ahahhaahahah. What the actual fuck.

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Meredith

Hahahaha! Yeah, for sure. My brain scrambled a little when I read about it.

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Lin

Bwahaha…not only is that hilarious but also pretty disgusting! Thanks for morning laugh hon ;)

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Meredith

I wanted SO BADLY to say it’s disgusting, but I feared the breast nazis would come at me in full force and tell me breast milk is beautiful and I should bake things with it.

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steph gas

hmm. i am now rethinking my decision to *never* have kids. if i could actually spray people with my breastmilk, it might make it more interesting. is target practice with the kid an option?

wait, i’ll only lactate for like a year, year and a half tops, right? not worth it. nevermind.

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Meredith

Well, you can lactate as long as you feed them. I am sure there are women who lactate for 10 years.

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Kate

WTF? you mean I could be walking down the street and see a 4th grader hooked up to his/her mother at the playground (well, let’s hope not) somewhere? Wouldn’t you get sick of it after awhile? and isn’t there some law against permanently traumatizing your kid?

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gina

I’m from Ohio too so just like you we heard this story on the local news way before the natinal channels picked it up. My first reaction was “what the fuck, who does that?” Now its an ongoing joke with my nursing cousin to keep those things holstered.
If I were the cop I don’t know if I would’ve been appalled or amused, knowing me I might have laughed til I peed my pants and told her husband to just take her home. But these cops obviously don’t have the fucked up sense of humor I do :-D

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Meredith

YES! But her husband probably would have looked at the cops and said, “No way, you take her. And you can keep her.”

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Untypically Jia

Am I the only one seeing this through movie eyes?

Dramatic music as the woman locks herself in the car, and suddenly the beat gets really intense as she rolls the window down, pops out a boob and cocks it (yes, she cocks it in the movie adaptation), and suddenly the crowd turns and she aims and everyone slow mo screams “Nooooooo!” As one cop dives in front of his partner, getting hit in the chest by the breast milk, the rest of the crowd gasps! A slew of backup police turn on the woman screaming “Officer down!” and “Drop the boob and put your hands up mother*@#$er!”

And as the breast milk covered officer falls to the ground, his partner says, “Why’d you do that?! You know that you’re lactose intolerant!” And his partner winces, and says, “I was only two days from retirement.”

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Kate

lol…that was epic!

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Meredith

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Can you wrie my next blog post? Because you’re way better at this.

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Untypically Jia

Just wait til you see the sequel: Revenge of the Milk Mafia

It won’t have the intense character development as the first, but there are lots of explosions and Bruce Willis makes a cameo.

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Courtney

Pure awesomness. I love being from Ohio.

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Meredith

It’s these things that make me so proud.

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Jen

People are awesomely crazy.

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tilly

THANK YOU!!!! Cuz I was totally planning on doing this. And now, with your post, you have shown me the light. Thanks again!

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Meredith

No problem. I’m basically a walking public service announcement.

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Nicole C

Wonder what she thought when she sobered up and recalled the event. No matter how drunk I get, I remember every moment.
What an idjit!!!!

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Crystal

The first thing that came to my mind when I read this was “Oh my good Lord please tell me she isn’t actually nursing.” The second was, “HAHAHAHAHAH” and the third, “That’s the stupidest way to be charged with assault.”
It would sound way more badass if she ripped the door off the hinges and hit the officer with it…but spraying him with milk, and still getting an assault charge? Imagine her next job interview.
“So I see you were charged with assault in 2011? What exactly happened?”
-”I got super trashed at a wedding and sprayed a police officer with my boob milk”

She screwed herself out of almost any job…with boob milk…

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Timeless Creations

I did this last night, what? it’s not normal?!

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improperly forward

So wait? In order to hold down a steady job I have to refrain from getting it on with co-workers and keep my boobs holstered? Screw it! I’ll just continue my SAHM status. It’s way more fun!

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Jannelle

Jak know star…..whoiee mi baddie, dwl dwl wat di hell was she drinking

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