The Sex Columnist

by Meredith on November 4, 2012

Interesting story. I was asked to become a bi-weekly sex columnist.

*my mother just fell off her chair*

Of course, I will have more details to come on this as I can release them.
Update: I can release details now! This will be a regular column on Curvy Girl Guide, beginning on Friday!

I know a thing or two about sex. I guess you could say I have been around the block. A couple of times (college – enough said). I am comfortable in my own skin and with my sexuality, which is why they asked me. Shaun said he doesn’t mind if I talk to you guys about sex on a regular basis, since I already talk about it anyway.

I’m going to talk to my close girlfriends about sex before I write each article, just to see if my warped brain operates the same as most ladies’ brains. It’s going to be like a panel of your closest girlfriends, talking about the things you’re too embarrassed to be talking about. Some of these topics may be discussed over martinis, just so we’re being more honest. And then I’m going to write about it.

I have to get writing. So I need your questions. I need to know your deepest, darkest secret sex questions.

Don’t reveal who you are in the comment section. Make up a name and email address, but ask me those weird things that you’ve never had the courage to ask.

For example: Is it normal that I am attracted to women?

Or: My husband wants a threesome, should I go through with it?

Or even: How do I tactfully take off Spanx without him knowing I had them on?

Give me some fodder. Please. And trust me, there is no judging coming from my end, no matter how weird you think your question may be. It’s just sex. We all do it. And I’ve probably asked myself weirder questions.

{ 44 comments… read them below or add one }

Anon

I think if I got divorced, I would be with women. Or at least experiment with a woman. I currently want a divorce.

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Meredith

I’m thinking being attracted to other women is a pretty common thing for women. Great topic for us to discuss!

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Barb

Can sex with multiple partners change your smell?

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Meredith

Hmmm… I’ll have to ask my doctor and I’ll get an answer for you!

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Anon 2

My boyfriend really does want a threesome. I’m not sure.

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Meredith

Sounds like a great thing to discuss first! I’ll think about it. Look for an answer soon!

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Sally Not So Sure

So, I have to be admit to being SUPER intrigued by the idea of having sex with my husband and another woman. I think that makes me bicurious but that’s fine. What I’m really wondering about is what the fallout would be if we actually went ahead and did it. Would regular sex not ever be interesting again? And relatedly, how does that actually happen? I don’t know anyone who would be interested and / or who I would feel comfortable with afterwards if we did do it but I also don’t know how you arrange it with a stranger.

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Meredith

This is a great question! I’ll think about it and write about this one first!

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MeredithsSecretLover

Sally,

Got to a site like fetlife.com there are lots of swingers groups in your area that your are probably not even aware of all that can safely introduce you to this lifestyle. That being said it will be exciting at first, but I have yet to know one polyamourous couple who hasn’t run into complications. We are naive as human beings to think we can completely separate something as the power of intimacy completely from our emotions. I have heard time and again “Sex is not Love” and while that my be true love isn’t the only emotion involved. Now your partner might find it an extreme turn on to see you with another woman, but you should consider how you will feel when you see him pleasuring another woman. Ask him if you are willing to do this for him would he be willing to have a threesome and see you with another man? If you really want to do it go for it. I am not going to lie I have had a threesome and loved it but I wasn’t in a committed relationship. I also admit I am a guy and I would be way turned on to see my woman with another woman. HOWEVER, as a lifestyle I can’t see it as something I would want for myself. That’s just me personally. I think while making a monogamous relationship new and exciting is more work it is INFINITELY more rewarding.

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Meredith

I wasn’t aware I had a secret lover. Good to know. :)

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MeredithsSecretLover

best Secret lover ever….did you notice the email address?

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Meredith

Yeah. Nice. I noticed the IP was from CA. I could guess from there.

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Sweet T

I thought sex during the second trimester was supposed to be mind blowing.

So far no sex dreams and when I do have sex it is just blah. Even my orgadms feel different and not in a good way.

We had a pretty regular kinky sex life before pregnancy and with my hormones my cha cha just does not feel the same.

What gives????

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Meredith

I didn’t have ANY sex with my last pregnancy. But we had with the others! As a matter of fact, I thought for sure I’d divorce him after she was born. I felt like he didn’t want me, he felt like I was bigger than ever, it was just… bad.

We are for SURE talking about this one.

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SusieQ

I think this is like most pregnancy/baby related things — its different for each woman/each baby. My third pregnancy I couldn’t get enough. I was all over my husband, to the point where he told me he was tired.

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Anon

I hate sex. It’s not that I don’t want to have sex with my hubster, I think about it all the time, and I even initiate but once it gets down to actually having sex I’m totally not into it. The funny part is that when we were younger… like in high school and college you couldn’t keep me off him. Feelings haven’t changed or anything and yes I’m still absolutely madly in love with him. And I’m also not on any meds at all so there’s nothing like that inhibiting my libido. We’re never going to have kids at this rate. Oh and I’m 24.

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Meredith

One word: Alcohol.

This is a great topic! We will tackle this one!

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Jane

I look forward to this topic. For me, it all changed after we had our first child. I think I want it, but once we get there….no longer interested.

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Rachel G.

This is so interesting to me because I am the exact opposite. It is so hard for me to feel turned on enough to initiate sex or daydream about sex, etc. However, once we do get started I am totally, completely into it. It has nothing to do with the attractiveness of my husband. We’ve been together for 15yrs, nothing drastic has changed with either one of us and I haven’t always been this way. I wanna know what gives; I’m 35yo woman, where’s my sexual peak???

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Erica

I have been thinking about having sex with my ex-husband. I have been dreaming a lot about it at night and thinking about it nearly every day. Should I? I think he might go for it, probably.

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Beth

Sex just hasn’t happened for me yet (I’m 24) and my biggest concern used to be with the act itself but now I’m more scared of how I’ll be judged because it’s never happened before. Is this a huge turn off that I should avoid talking about or is this not a big deal because I’ve heard it both ways.

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26 y.o. Virgin

Yes this one! My sister is 26 and hardly has any ‘experience’. I wonder what men think of 20 and 30 something virgins.

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Laser Larry

I have a fantasy that involves my wife, a shaved sri lankan immigrant, a tiger and a sponge, now I know this is may seem like it’s going to be hard to get together but you would be surprised at how easy it is if you are willing to substitue a comon house cat and a mop.
my question is
How does one bring up fantasy and role playing escapades to thier spouse?

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JACEY

So…..the man has BP issues and blood flow presents some errection issues. What can he take that might be natural to off-set the meds, that he will not have to get YET ANOTHER RX for and can be more easiy talked into? So….once we get going, slow as it may be sometimes, it can be wonderful, though we might have to be more flexible on TYPES of Os versus penetration.

Also, my labido is stronger than his. What do you suggest me do to let him know that I might need a little more without scratching his ego?

Any new lubes (edible or otherwise) on the market? Maybe toys that can be fun and not so over-the-top that can be used for a middle-aging couple like ourselves? Maybe erotica that is a MUST HAVE?

(Have I made you sorry you have taken this on?)

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MeredithsSecretLover

The man should consider a product with the extract of Tribulus (sp?) in it. natural Testosterone boosters will boos Libido and erection functionality. They aren’t very effective in younger males, but should show a difference in any man over 40. Of course he could get a scrip for Testosterone if he has LowT and/or Cialis and Viagara, but you were trying to avoid another RX

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MeredithsSecretLover

Oh and they take a few weeks to kick in so be patient

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MeredithsSecretLover

P.S. I should soooo be your Co-Columnist

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Meredith

Okay, but you have to reveal who you are first. Maybe email me?

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ABC

Sometimes I’m super hot for him, we get it going and then halfway through I’m like ‘Well, could we just stop? My lust went away…’. But for him, I keep it going…
How is that possible? Is it normal?

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Horny Hobbit

No problem whatsoever with revealing my name, but I’ll follow the rules for now. I just want to volunteer my services as a male consultant to the column!

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I Heart Meredith

I’ve always lived in apartments and have always had to be quiet during sex. I’ve had to listen to my neighbors get it on before and I never want them to have to hear me. I’m so used to having to be quiet that it’s just normal for me now. I’m afraid it’s a total turn off for my guy, but I don’t think he would ever tell me if it was.

So, Meredith, does quiet sex turn off men? I mean, I definitely let my feelings be known, in a quiet way. What says you?

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MeredithsSecretLover

as a man I can say it is hard for any kind of sex to be a complete turn off. HOWEVER, I will say most of us like it noisy but not for the reasons you may think. Its not cuz we want yo to be a porn star or because the louder you are the better we must be. Trust me we know some of you fake it and fake it well. Your noises during sex actually have a physiological effect on us. It’s true look it up. It actually increases our libido it’s kind of why we do it almost involuntarily AND your orgasms are a little harder to achieve and figure out than ours. Your sounds of pleasure can guide us in the right direction in terms what you like, the pacing, the motion…etc etc. So like ya know you don’t have to scream like a banshee but yeah sounds of pleasure help. If you don’t want to be loud learn how to talk dirty to your partner. Trust me if done right your guy will be over the top!

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Nuala Reilly

Or just be on top, lean down so that you’re mouth is near his ear, and that way he can hear every pant, moan, change up in your breathing, etc. And you can whisper stuff to him. I’m told this is really effective substitute to loud, hotel room sex.
Added bonus: if you have kids, they don’t avoid your eyes the next day because they heard nuthin’!

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Carla

My boyfriends sex drive has plummeted to near nothing. We dont have real relationship problems but I swear we’ve onlyvhad sex three or four times in the past three months! He brought it up over dinner last night saying its his weight thats lowered his sex drive..but hes weighed the same since Ive known him and we used to do it four or more times a week. my appearance hasnt changed and he shows his love in every way…but sex is just not a priority for him…when it does come time to do it Im too stressed cause I feel like hes doing it just to get it done…Am I alone?? (side note:hes 29). Could it be his age?

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Anna

Sounds like his testosterone levels have dropped. Not very common for his age, I don’t think, but higher weight does have a correlation with low testosterone. We found out my husband has this problem earlier this year, and he got a prescription for it, but he won’t use it! That feels like a slap in the face to me. I’m tired of arguing about it, so I just keep lowering my expectations. I’ve told him before that I would like to have sex 2 or 3 times a week, but that hasn’t happened in a long time, so I was settling for once a week, but we’re now on track for once a month! It’s so frustrating because I’m so happy with him in nearly every way, but this is an important need that isn’t being met, and I worry about the consequences of that.

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Possible Regrets

So a week or so ago after just enough wine I told me Husband he could try anal. It is something I have never been interested in but after 8 years of marriage of course I knew he is/was; whatever. He didn’t pressure me in any way, ask me to do it, or even kinda try it himself. It was me who said hey Babe you can try xyz. It worked fine and it wasn’t as awful as I thought it would be; but I didn’t derive any pleasure from it at all. Ever since I just can’t-get-it-out-of-my-head. When I think about it my stomach hurts. I felt like I couldn’t look at him for days. I totally talked to him about all of it but I don’t know my brain won’t let it go. I don’t know if I feel shame or really I have no clue what the hell is wrong with me. We have always been very adventurous so it isn’t like we went from missionary to this or anything.

So I guess my question is…how do you let a sexual experience go that leaves a lasting negative feeling? Also, why do I have a negative feeling? You are probably thinking damn this girl needs therapy. I actually have one from last years small bout with post-partum but umm yeah how do you bring this up to a therapist. Gah.

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Anon

You bring it up exactly the way you did here in this post comment to a therapist. Therapists hear about these things all the time, and they dont even have to be sex therapists. Its hard to tell for sure but are you feeling this way because you possibly were not living within your own integrity? We all have our own set of values/expectations for ourselves in all that we do and maybe after the affects of the wine you were no longer living within those values you have set for yourself. Just my 2 cents!

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MeredithsSecretLover

yeah this is REALLY something you should run by a professional. I wouldn’t be so shocked if you said it hurt …or Oh i just didnt get anything out of it, but your deep seeded shame over a consensual act of intimacy with a long time partner….well it ain’t normal. There is definitely something deeper here. On another note one should simply should not abandon anal because the first experience was poor. If we did that no one would ever have vaginal sex again either. Physiologically though most women require dual points of stimulation to orgasm during anal. Very few can get off on anal alone, but I have heard it can be quite pleasurable for both partners once you get used to it.

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Curious

Ok..my husband is obsessed with anal. We tried several times over the years and it just simply hurts. He is rather large in the meat packing section and the thought of it just makes me cringe. Nothing pleasurable about it. Still, he brings it up at least weekly. A few years ago I gave in after he bribed me with a large piece of jewelry (and I love diamonds) but it still wasn’t worth it. How can I get him to get over this obsession…cause at my house it’s only pink and no stink.

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MeredithsSecretLover

Well you could down a bunch of laxatives before the next session that should pretty much put an end to it. Seriously though have you explained how painful and unpleasurable an experience it is for you and ask him it is why he insists on pressuring you about anal? Ask him upfront is it the position? the domination? , or maybe your Vagina just isn’t …well ya know…as tight as it used to be and therefore your anus is more pleasurable. If that’s the case then maybe there are new positions that will be more satisfying to him plus there are things you can do to restore the strength to your vaginal wall muscles. I mean the reality is body changes, age, and child birth all take their toll.

The bottom line ( no pun intended) if your husband still insists on a sex act that hurts you and makes you uncomfortable then you tell him how pleasurable it would be on your clitoris if he got the head of his penis pierced and use that in exchange for the next round of anal. Great sex is mutual not forced or compulsory.

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wondering

My husband and I do not have the same sex drive. He wants it more than I do. So I have sex many times when I’m not really in the mood, just to not make him mad or hurt his feelings. That’s ok, I’m just wondering how often (on average) do married people have sex? Every day? Once a week? Once a month? I know everyone is different, just wondering how many people are like me thinking 2 times/week should be fine?

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MeredithsSecretLover

Ever heard the saying it takes money to make money? Well guess what the same thing applies to sex. Might take a bit to get over the hump ( pun intended) but the more you do it the more you are going to want it

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comeoneileen

What’s the deal with giving dome/head/blowjobs…whatever you want to call it? I have a number of girl friends and there are a handful of us who are told repeatedly how good we are at giving head. I mean, we all employ techniques, but come on, doesn’t everyone?? For example, “Oh my GOD… I’ve never had a bj that good”, “No one has every blown me like that”, “You are the absolute best I’ve ever had”…and the list goes on. Are men trained to tell women that? Is it some secret code that they know if they say it they’ll continue to get it? Not that it’s a skill I’m ready to throw on the resume, but it’s hard to believe that in the millions of people in the world, my group of friends consists of the top 5 experts at giving head. WHAT GIVES (other than me)?

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MeredithsSecretLover

It’s really simple….are you giving head right now? Then yes you are giving the best blow job I have ever had in my life :-) get it? If I tell you how bad you are at it…you’ll get a complex and not go there again. If i tell you the girl before you was better I might end up with teeth….sooo you get what I am saying here?? Just go with it you’re giving head we love it…thanks hon…you’re the best…..ever! :-D

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