The Secret Christmas Life of HR People

by Meredith on December 24, 2012

Shaun and I have decided each year to hold an Ugly Christmas Sweater party. Mainly because they’re awesome parties to host, and I love being awesome. And also my mom gave me an ugly Christmas sweater in real life, under the assumption that I’d add it to my work attire.

Sorry, Mom. I wore your hand-me-down sweater to our party.

We hired a DJ, and once he figured out that we are old, and we don’t know all the latest rap songs, and this was to be run like an elite high school dance from from 1997, the party was a raging success.

So that was super fun.

But something else super fun has happened as well.

Shaun Soleau and I finished our Christmas shopping on Saturday, and he had a little surprise up his sleeve for me.

Hey, you know that tattoo you’ve been talking about forever?

Yeah.

Well, you’re getting it today. Merry Christmas, babe.

We walked into Steel Addictions, and I was taken care of by Michael. Michael is this super-cute-totally-cougar-worthy artist, who looked shocked when I told him I had always wanted a neck tattoo.

Of course I joked that I wanted him to write, I DO WHAT I WANT, in old English letters across the side of my neck. And I also joked that I only wanted him to use dirty needles because AIDS is totally undetectable in Magic Johnson now, so it doesn’t really matter.

Michael, sensing that my nerves were causing me to make these totally inappropriate jokes, asked me if I had any other tattoos. I think he was a little scared that I wasn’t sure about what I was doing. I told him I did have one, a butterfly on my hip bone, which I lovingly refer to as the “bitterfly” because it just looks bitter after having three kids.

Michael asked to see the bitterfly, and I refused, because I am not really one to pull my pants down for a stranger. But after a bit of prodding (because I don’t think he believed me), I pulled down my pants and showed Cougar Michael the bitterfly. Which? WHY?

Feeling more comfortable with a Cougar Michael, I told him what I really wanted, which was the Scorpio symbol. I told him I really wanted it under my hairline, on the back of my neck. I had learned my lesson with shifty hip bone skin, and I since my neck probably won’t slide off, it just made sense. Plus, I can hide it under my hair at work.

I’d like to say that getting a tattoo on the back of you neck is simple and doesn’t hurt at all, but that would be a huge lie.

As a matter of fact, it hurt so badly that I wanted to quit, and the outline wasn’t even done yet.

My brain took over. It was like trying to wear tampons all over again. All I could picture were little needles digging into my spinal cord. And then I thought about things like blood and plasma.

Cougar Michael, can I take a break?

Yes! Do you feel faint?

Maybe? I see white spots and I feel super hot.

Don’t stand up. Just sit there. Let me get you a cool towel and a Coke. Did you eat today?

Yes. But I don’t think it’s low blood sugar. I just don’t like medical things. I over-think them. I can’t even wear tampons.

Uhhh… this is not like a tampon. 

Michael, I think I’m going to puke.

So I did.

I yacked at the tattoo parlor.

And then I felt way better and Cougar Michael was able to finish. And thank goodness for that. Can you imagine if I had a half tattoo?

And since Cougar Michael was such a great sport, I gave him a little gift. I told him the waterpark tampon story. 

Something tells me he’ll remember me if I ever have the desire for more body art.

Here comes the part where you tell me how much you like my neck tattoo. BECAUSE OMG I HAVE A NECK TATTOO! I AM SO TOUGH NOW! LIKE A PRISONER!

Do you have any tats? If so, where and what is it?

{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Tawny

Pin up girl on the back of my neck tad lower than yours. I also have two calf tats. 1 is a modified tribal that resembles the tat my first lover had in his arm. The other is a face hidden in a tribal design. It represents my change and growth!

Congrats Badass!!!

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Shelly

Very cute. I got my neck tattoo back in 2001 and it didn’t hurt. Only took like 45 minutes. My lower back tat took 4 1/2 hours and hurt like a bitch. And two years ago, I got a tattoo on the inside of my wrist and that one hurt the worst! Now be careful, they’re addicting….I’ve got 6 so far and I’m starting to itch for another one, but the boyfriend is dead set against it.

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Lisa

Awesome!! Congrats!!

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Shelly

Oh…where are mine…I should read the entire blog. Duh.

1. Tribal on my right calf, above my ankle (1st tat..BF hates it. Asks why I got it so big)
2. Roses around left ankle (Just a flash design off the wall, got it on a whim)
3. Tribal/heart lower back (Tramp stamp as it’s referred to as by the BF or a butt hat)
4. Fire Chi symbol with flames on my right hip (Hate it…the guy totally screwed it up)
5. Tribal on back of neck (Was told by some guy it was the sign of the devil and I’m going to hell)
6. Ambigram design on the inside of my left wrist that reads “Juliet” facing me and upside down it reads “Romeo” which is the Phonetic letters/meanings for my BF’s initials. I didn’t want to get his name, so I went this way. And if we split, I can just say I’m a big fan of Romeo and Juliet.

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Jeff

I have a large section of my right upper arm done with a military theme. I have a lot more planned and I work though.

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Deborah N

You Go You! WOOHOO! Welcome to tat-land!

I have 5. To on each leg and one on my right wrist.

A leafy, viney, heart thingy and a sputterfly on my left leg.
A set of 3 barefeet and a small floral bouquet (my first tat) on my right leg.
A viney peony with leaves on my right wrist.

Merry Christmas!

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Gabriel

I have one on my right shoulder. Its writtin in Arabic and it says Jidu, which means grandpa in Arabic. I got it because after my 11th birthday he passed away and I shall always remember him with it!

Merry Christmas everyone :)

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K

Meredith…OK…I have had a super stressful day..I read your blog..(and I have been waiting..had it on my list of “to do’s” to write u a fb msg and BUG ya as to when you were gonna start writing again..Because I love to read your thoughts..u are so funny…and it is so cool how u and Britt are both a piece of me…your personalities and I SO so SO know if I lived int he Toledo area we would 3 be BFF’s..seriously..Yea..I kinda come off ‘Prudish’ on my fb profile..but I am so not..and my twitter account..which is kinda my nemesis..is the real me…I turn the big, fat 4-0 next week and need to start “living me”..NOT what I think peep expect to see based on certain things in my life…ok…love it but explain a lil more to me about the tat..meaning..and such. Hugs and MERRY Christmas!

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Robin

Congrats!! It’s beautiful!!

I have two, both on my lower back:

1) A scroll design that I found on the menu of pizza joint in Chicago…great design, funky story, crappy pizza
2) 3 pink dogwood blossoms celebrating my home state of NC… 3 hours of constant hammering directly on my spine..thought I was going to die…

It’s addicting though…now I want a peace sign..

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Brandy

I have one, on the inside of my wrist. And I adore it. So much that I blogged about it :)
http://rmfo-blogs.com/brandy/2011/07/05/ink/

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Untypically Jia

Yeah . . . I’ve got about 14 tattoos LOL, I think I like the pain or something, ha! I’ve got a rose on my right hip surrounded by shamrocks, two intertwining dragons on my right ankle (outside) and barbed wire wrapped around the same ankle with a butterfly escaping it on the inside. I’ve got a triquetra on my left ankle, four paw prints on my left foot and the word “Chosen” on my lower back (yup, a tramp stamp!). I plan on getting lots more actually, and my next one (the Konami code – Yes I’m a geek) on my neck right where you got yours!

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bellawriter (Nuala Reilly)

I laughed so loud at the tampon comment. Holy crapballs Meredith!! I have five tattoo’s but none of them on my neck, so you’re way badass for doing that.
Happy Christmas

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Ginger

You are such a badass!

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Tara

I have no tats, but I think they’re hot. Go, you!

And puking is way more bad-ass than crying.

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Liz

Love the neck tattoo!! My tattoo says “If you can read this, I’m naked!” I’ll let you guess where it is…

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buttah

Love it! You are totally a badass! I too am a Scorpio, so if I ever got a zodiac symbol it would totally be fitting…my first name starts with an M, and the little devil tail…well let’s just say that is perfect for me! I only have one tat, got it on my 18th bday. It’s a purple heart with tribal wings. I was very rebellious at the time and really wanted to fly away from my situation. I really want to have it covered up or reworked with something pretty big. Oh, it’s on my lower right back…down in my waistline. Which was perfect before the days of lowrise jeans cause it was hidden perfectly in the waistband of my jeans…cause I was still in highschool. And everybody thought I was a total badass for getting it.

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steph gas

i have stopped counting, that’s how many i have. i’m just finishing up a half sleeve on my right arm, i have about 8 smaller ones on my legs, one behind my ear, my lower neck/upper back, one shoulder, my lower back/tramp stamp (obvs), my collarbone area, my upper, my ears, and my eyebrows. for now. i’m working on more ideas :)

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Elinor

One, on my left shoulder blade, that was my 17th birthday present from my mom. It is a very pretty purple a blue celtic knot. My favourite part about it is I am look like a prep and nobody expects the tat, now only seen when I have to wear gowns for my hubs work functions. Been called trampy by few wives but it helps me remember who I am.

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