ME: Shaun, KY has chosen us to do a 10-day intimacy experiment. Are you in?
SHAUN: What does that entail?
ME: Not sure, but I do know that they send us a giant box of lube, and I think you have to have sex everday.
SHAUN: I’m in.
I’m not sure if I had him at “giant box of lube” or “you have to have sex everyday”. Either way, for the next ten days, we are participating in the KY Intimacy Experiment. They’ve sent the giant box of lube and also a booklet that details our next ten days.
In related news: Our parents/siblings/bosses can feel free to take a ten day break from this website. Find a good book to read.
The goal of the experiment is to get to know each other all over again. But they want us to get to know each other again in a more sexy way. The way it used to be when we first started dating and just the thought of each other made us a little weak in the knee. These days we are comfortable and happy. But maybe we are too comfortable. And maybe we are happy because we have figured out a schedule for the flat screen TV.
Being intimate can sometimes feel like a chore (a chore that you have to do on Saturday nights after the kids go to bed). Let’s be honest, it takes a little work to keep that old flame going. Especially after you get used to things like cleaning pubic hairs off of the toilet seat and the way farts smell on Taco Tuesday.
So welcome inside of our bedroom. I hope you can find some take-aways for your relationship, and if nothing else, just sit back and enjoy the voyeurism of it all (you dirty, dirty whores).
This is our bedroom:
Oh, yeah. This was not staged. It’s really this messy. All the time.
My room is somehow the catch-all for various toys, mismatched socks, dry cleaning that needs to be dropped off, and every Bath and Body Works flavor of lotion known to man (Mom, I have enough, stop buying it already, and OMG why is Mom still reading this post?).
My first assignment is to make this room more hotel-ish. I have to make it someplace that I can come and mentally shut down.
Why do nice hotel rooms make women horny? Because they are so clean. And anytime someone else cleans something, it makes women horny. I am going to clean this mess up myself and hope for the best.
What else is great about a hotel room? They don’t have photos of your family staring back at you.
Or some other family…
I started by making it look the way I wanted it to look when I picked all of this furniture. I woke up my husband, I took out all of the toys (MY GOD, THE TOYS ARE TAKING OVER MY LIFE!), and added some candles to make it even more kissy-kissy. I never make the bed unless I change the sheets. Today, I have changed the sheets (even though the old ones were still kid-pee free).
How does it look? Better, right? It even smells sexier.
I think this room may do the trick. It seems way less like the dorm room Shaun lived in at Ohio State and way more like a bed and breakfast.
Our assignment for tonight is to pay attention to our senses. ”Kiss for the feel and taste of a kiss. Revel in the smell and feel of your partner’s skin. Use this first night as an opportunity to awaken your senses and mind to the rest of the program.”
Oh, and they also suggest a bottle of wine. This doesn’t seem so bad. I kind of like the way KY thinks.
Tonight, we are putting the kids to bed at 9 o’clock. And taking a shower. I don’t want to revel in the smell and feel of a husband that took a two hour nap after cleaning the garage.
So let the pantie dropping begin! I’ll be back tomorrow with a full report.
Dad, if you made it this far, I am warning you: DO NOT READ THIS SITE AGAIN UNTIL I GIVE YOU THE ALL CLEAR.
I wrote this post while participating in a K-Y® Brand campaign. They have sent me product samples (Yay!) to help facilitate the experiment, and I am being compensated. However, K-Y® Brand is not paying me to talk nice about them. So these words are my own, yo.