Setting The Bar: Julia Allison Has 73 Dating Requirements

by Meredith on June 26, 2012

I love reality television.

I also love anything that has to do with interpersonal relationships (dating, sex, marriage, co-workers, girlfriends, frenemies, and foes).

So it’s absolutely no surprise that I was totally drawn in as I tuned into the first episode of Miss Advised on Bravo. If you missed the show this week, it’s about three women, who give relationship advice in some professional way, all of whom are single. Funny, right?

My favorite character is, by far, Julia Allison. Julia has a personal list of 73 points that a man must meet in order to be considered husband material. Of course, her parents think this may be the reason she is still single. She’s just too picky (‘ya think?).

In a recent interview with The Gloss, Julia shares some more of her list.

It ranges from the hardly controversial:

#2: Kind/thoughtful/sweet
#13: Strong & consistent emotionally
#16: Adventurous
#29: Makes me feel secure and loved
#34: Would make a great dad – and wants to have kids
#39: Does good for others
#44: Loves learning
#59: Talented lover

To the slightly more … eccentric (hey! I was just dream-listing!)

#5: well-read / reads The Atlantic, Fast Company & WIRED
#28: Wants to live in a warm climate (preferably Palo Alto)
#33: Enjoys playing tennis, horseback riding, skiing, biking
#48: Can play piano or guitar or sing

This all got me to thinking… I had very low standards back when I was dating. And ladies, I’ve dated a lot of men boys. A. Lot.

I’m pretty sure 90% of the many men I allowed to take me out (and sometimes take me to bed) were somehow unemployed after I used the “boyfriend” word. That’s not even an exaggeration. I paid for a lot of dates once they realized they could take advantage of me and quit their jobs. I was a… it pains me to say it, girls… a Sugar Momma. A Sugar Momma for complete losers.

As a matter of fact, I’d set the dating bar so low, that my dad actually paid me $1,000 to kick a former boyfriend out of my apartment. Dad hated it that I allowed him to move in, but he hated it more that he was openly cheating on me with Molly the Waitress, and I was actually putting up with it. I really thought I was in love with him.  That is, until my dad put some cold-hard-cash in my hands. With my newly found funds, I suddenly found myself putting his clothes in garbage bags, throwing the garbage bags over the balcony, and watching them land in the yard (of my crappy apartment) below.

Then there was the guy that turned out to be gay. I can’t even make this stuff up. I was his beard. My friends warned me about him, and I refused to believe it. Until he finally confessed… I cried for a week. How could I not have seen all the signs? Video games at Matt’s house shouldn’t have always ended in a sleep over.

Oh, and how about the hoarder? I couldn’t even walk through his apartment. There were maggots in sink. Maggots. But I’ll be damned if I didn’t try to clean his house for him. I wasted a whole week of my life, playing exterminator, just to find out three months later that I really didn’t want to end up with someone who had pizza boxes stacked to his ceiling.

I even dated a guy that I had zero sexual attraction to. He was nice enough, but was a complete Momma’s Boy whose eyes were too far apart. And I didn’t just date him; I totally had sex with him (after I got drunk enough to not care about how he constantly compared me to his “Mommy”, and his fishy eyeballs suddenly seemed okay to me).

Once I was taken on a romantic “road trip”, where the dude fought with me the whole way about why college was a “terrible idea” for me, and left me in New York City to find himself a real woman (not “some stupid college kid”). Thanks a lot, asshat. I paid my way back home with every last cent I had to my name because I was too embarrassed to call my dad and tell him, “It’s happened to me again”.

At that point, I thought about becoming a lesbian, but I changed my mind because I can’t imagine how catty I would be in a relationship with another woman.

I had what my mother calls “lost puppy syndrome”. If you had issues – come to me, lay your head on my bosom, and allow me to stroke your sensitive ego for a minute. I’ll date you, feed you, give you blowies, and deal with all your garbage. Literally. I’ll clean your house for you (see above: hoarder).

When I began dating my totally awesome husband (who is sexy, witty, smart, had been a long time friend, keeps a job, has a gigantic penis, is loyal, straight, has normal eyes, and doesn’t have mommy or cheating issues) – I almost broke it off with him because he seemed “too nice for me”.

The bottom line is this, Julia Allison has 73 dating requirements and that might be extreme, but by golly, at least she has some standards. And there’s nothing wrong with respecting yourself, is there? I wish I’d made myself a list when I was dating. I wish I’d respected myself enough to care. Maybe I would have found Mr. Right a lot sooner since he was right in front of my face the whole time.

Have you ever forgot to set standards for yourself? Is this just a lack of self esteem that makes us do this? And if you had a list – what points would put on it?

{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Mackenzie

I am all for having standards! I had a good time before I met my husband, but I had very few “boyfriends”. I didn’t find many dudes I actually wanted to spend that much time with. That sounds bitchy (cause it probably is), but I was happier alone than in a craptastical relationship. The only bad thing about this list, it may cut out a really great guy because he doesn’t play an instrument/ski/read WIRED. Would you perfer to have a good father of your children NOW or wait around for a guy who plays the tuba? Nobody is perfect and it’s a person’s imperfections that most often make them attractive.

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Tawny

I ended up marrying someone I never would have dated if I had stuck with my dream type.
He is my complete opposite yet we are the same. Make sense?

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Kristin

Lets see in high school I dated a coke head who told me had allergies and I believed him then I dated a guy for almost two years who had rotted teeth because he was a smoker, drank mountin dew and didn’t brush his teeth. Then there were a few guys who dated me because they thought I was easy. A standard list would be good. I went with my husband because he was willing to drive to meet me, was funny caring oh and opened the doors for me.

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Kenny

She is still single isn’t she?

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Chrissy

Meredith, stop writing about my life.

I watched that same show and thought “wow, no wonder she’s single”. Then I looked at my absolute loser ex-boyfriend who was spending the night with me because I thought I could just have sex and then turn him away but he ended up staying…..oh look there we are back on this conversation.

So yeah, I was apparently the rebound girl for most of your “boyfriends” and now, I am going to pull that list I made back when I got divorced three years ago and start sticking to at least 60% of it.

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Kristen @ The Chronicles of Dutch

I think any list should include respect, honesty and sense of humor. If my husband didn’t make me laugh or didn’t possess a sense of humor it wouldn’t work.

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Glitter Dunn

“Video games at Matt’s house shouldn’t have always ended in a sleep over.”

I’m sure they just stayed up late talking about how pretty their girlfriends are.

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Vivie

I made a (shorter) list of requirements after my divorce. Problem solved a few years later when I met perfection.

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Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]

Thank goodness you ended up with non-fish eyeballs and a large weenis.

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RockyCat

I had a couple of boyfriends who quit their jobs as soon as they hooked up with me. I guess I was a Sugar Momma, too! *cringes*

And my dad once offered to buy me a CAR if I’d kick my loser-du-jour to the curb. I took him up on it.

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The Constant Complainer

I think it’s a give and take sometimes. Compromise isn’t bad. And sometimes in relationships you compromise. I seem to find that my friends who have the giant lists these days are still single. LOL.

Sorry that I’ve been MIA for a few weeks. We just got back from nine days in Hilton Head. Very relaxing. And don’t be a stranger on my site either. We miss your opinions over there. Have a great holiday!

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