I know I seem MIA these past two weeks. But the truth of the matter is, I’ve been doing work stuff at home, and work stuff at work, and work stuff on the weekends, all so I can do what I’m doing today, which is not going to work.
I’m going to New York City, baby.
I love New York City, you guys. I dream of living here with my children and husband. We would be so well cultured and artsy. And in my dreams, it doesn’t even smell like a sewer and the taxi drivers are super friendly.
The problem is, Shaun has never been to New York City. So every time I come here (this time it’s for #BlogHer12, a social media conference), he says things to me out of jealousy.
Hope you don’t get your face beat in with a hammer.
Huh? My face beat in?
Yeah, some dude beat some dude’s face with a hammer. You need to watch more news.
No biggie, Shaun. We went to Miami the week the guy ate the homeless guy’s face off. And then you tried to leave me with a homeless person, after we knew they were clearly zombie targets.
I tried to leave you with a homeless guy because you were crying and drunk and your feet hurt. I wanted to sit you down next to him while I went to find the car.
YOU lost the car, Shaun Soleau. Not me. YOU should have given me a piggy back ride. You should NOT have tried to leave me with a zombie target.
You know what, Meredith! You were walking around barefoot at that point! Don’t wear five inch high heels! Your main concern should have been the diseases coming up through your feet from the dirty sidewalks. Zombie targets were the least of your concerns!
YOU KNOW WHAT, SHAUN SOLEAU! I’M GLAD YOUR NOT COMING TO NEW YORK! MY FRIENDS WOULD NEVER TRY TO LEAVE ME WITH A ZOMBIE TARGET, AND THEY’D GET A CAB! WHICH WAS WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE!
Oh, yeah. Your friends that live in your computer. You don’t even know what these people look like.
Yes, I DO!
Meredith, this person you talk to all the time on Twitter has a picture of a baby as her avatar. Do you think she’s really a baby?
No, she’s tall and pretty and blonde. I read her blog, SHAUN.
Have fun in New York with your computer friends.
I will. And you know what? I think you’re just jealous. It’s not my fault you used all your vacation time for some stupid gaming conference.
Are you impying I’m nerdy?
Yes. Yes, I am.
YOU ARE GOING TO A BLOG CONFERENCE!
That’s less nerdy.
Okay. You keep telling yourself that. Don’t get your face beaten in while you’re there.
For your information, I’m more worried about meeting some of these people in real life for the first time.
Whatever, Shaun Soleau. I am less nerdy. And nerdy is the new cool. So maybe we’re both just super cool. No asked you to come to New York City to meet computer people, anyway.
I’m not worried about having my face beaten in as much as I’m worried about meeting new people that I think are my friends.
I think I can be overbearing at times. And I get sort of loud and obnoxious in uncomfortable social situations. And I overuse the word “vagina” when I don’t know what else to say. But I want to keep talking to people so I try to find a common factor. And with big groups of women, I tend to resort to vaginas. We all have vaginas in common, let’s talk about them.
I’m sort of scared of making an ass out of myself in real life.
So if you meet me this weekend, and I say something about my vagina, just know it means I like you and I’m trying to keep the conversation going because I don’t know what else to say. Feel free to change the subject at any time.