Mark Wahlberg has three nipples, and I still have 12 minutes and 40 seconds of fame left.

by Meredith on February 26, 2013

Yesterday I let it slip. I am going to New York City this week to be a guest on Katie Couric’s talk show. The show is taped, so I don’t know when it will air yet. More to come on that.

katie_logo (1)You’re probably wondering what the heck I am going on Katie’s show to talk about. FINE, I will tell you.

It’s not what you think.

I will not be talking about HR, and it’s not about social media either. The subject is raw and unrehearsed for me, and I AM FREAKING OUT BECAUSE OF IT!

I’m going to talk about being the Mark Wahlberg of the Internet. Mark Wahlberg has three nipples. Did you know that? Weird medical condition, right?

I don’t have three nipples. However, I do have oddly large areolas. But that isn’t what I am talking about either. As a matter of fact, my mother has threatened to kill me if I say “vagina” or “sex toy” at any point. I really believe she is being serious about this. So most likely, talking about my giant areolas, is off the table, too.

Meredith, is this going to be like the last time you were on national television? Because people from church were watching and now they all know you have hidden sex toys in your house. And then there was the time you said, at an HR conference, with 400 people in the room at that… Oh, I am just soooo embarrassed, I can barely say it…

Mom, the word is “vagina”. You have one. Repeat after me, “VA-GI-NA”. And I was talking about social transparency, and the timing of the joke was impeccable. 

Meredith! Stop it! Don’t be funny when you go there. I will kill you this time. Just… Just… JUST REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE!

Fine, Mom. I will refer to it as my ham wallet from here forward.

MEREDITH DANIELLE! I AM HANGING UP!

*click*

For those of you who have followed me for some period of time, you know that my brain is broken in a totally intelligent (and sometimes socially overbearing) kind of impulsive way. You also know that the diagnoses of the brain breakage came as a huge relief since I thought I was going insane. Like, totally. insane. in. the. membrane.

I was all over the darn place… for a minute… and I cou… fe… fkjdlfoi e… huh… that’s weird my brain… what… I love lamp… must do dishes… so many… testing… Ooo! Shiny!


Click PLAY to see my thought patterns.

My follow up sucked at work, I was forgetting ALL THE THINGS, I felt really cloudy and annoyed with people all the time, and I wasn’t super sure about what I wanted to be when I grew up anymore, BUT I WAS ALREADY A GROWN UP WITH A JOB I LOVED!

Anyway, I broke down in my doctor’s office, and between big-heaping-snotty-ugly-cry sobs, I told him I thought I had some sort of mental health issue. He dismissed me, told me I just had a stressful job, and I needed to suck it up.

ADD funny

This particular doctor (ermahgerd every fiber of my being wants to name drop right now), always made me feel terrible about myself.

Not liking feeling bad about myself, I switched doctors. Switching doctors has proven to be one of the best decisions of my life.

I told New Doctor I thought my brain was broken. I told him with each pregnancy, it seemed to break a little more.

He listened to me, he didn’t rush me, and he didn’t make a face that looked like he had just ate a fart when I began crying. I was truly embarrassed to talk about my broken brain to anyone other than my husband. So to have this man take his time, and really hear me out… it was… simply put… amazing.

At the end of my rant, he had me take a test. And by test, I mean this baby was about 30 pages, and the questions ranged from super strange to OMG THAT IS SO ME!

As it turns out, I scored, in New Doctor’s words, “off the charts with ADD”.

He put me on Adderall and is trying to fix my brain. We talk every month, he monitors how I’m doing, makes adjustments to my meds (I am now taking the little kid dosage since the extended release made me an insomniac), and he never ever makes me feel like a weirdo.

So anyway, I am going on Katie’s show to talk about my journey with ADD and how Adderall has helped me.

Yes, my brain is broken, but with medication, I am a lot less cloudy and a lot less annoyed with people (probably key for a career in Human Resources). But I suppose having three kids, a husband, and four hundred jobs can break a girl’s brain. Oh, and I am certain my brain has always been broken, I was just able to hone in on things better when I didn’t have so much clutter in my life.

I know they are going to ask me about Adderall and drug abuse. I am going in with all guns-a-blazing. Not all people who take Adderall abuse the drug. Some of us actually need it.

The mental health stigma has got to go. Ultimately, I hope I can make a little difference in how people view mental health issues. I’ve accepted her invitation to be a guest on the show because I want others to know that we all have our health issues. Sometimes those issues are wonky livers, sometimes those issues are wonky hearts, sometimes those issues are wonky lungs, sometimes those issues are wonky blood cells, and sometimes those issues are wonky brains.

My name is Meredith, and I have a wonky brain.

I’ll let you all know when it airs!
Thank you for your support!
Thank you, Dr. Camacho. You’ve fixed my wonky brain.
SQUIRREL!

It’s your turn now. Tell me about your wonky brain.

{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

kel

So cool! Can’t wait to see it.

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kel

The show, not the ADD.

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Meredith

The ADD is okay. I think it makes me more creative. I have to creatively figure out how the heck to finish all the things I start.

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angi

Sorry, I was on vacation and I missed this…so I’m just catching up. My son has “off the charts ADD” as well. (I believe that is the firm medical diagnosis) And he, too, says it makes him more creative. So much so, that he was really concerned about taking medication to begin with. He did not want to lose that side of himself. But…he knows now that it helps straighten out his thoughts enough to get through school. He explained it to me like this…before meds I felt like I was walking 54 dogs and they were all going in a different direction. Now, it’s like I’ve got 4 or 5 and I can at least keep them all on the same sidewalk. Pretty self-aware for a 13 year old boy. :)

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Belle Vierge

My twin brother, my younger brother, and my mom all have ADD to various degrees. My twin brother drives me crazy after just a few days of not taking Concerta. My younger brother functions pretty well without it, but he still takes it as needed. My mom isn’t obnoxious when she’s off it (she only takes it M-F for work), but she’s VERY much “Let me interrupt you for the shiny thing over there.”

Are ADD drugs abused? Definitely. That doesn’t change the fact that it is a very real condition, and the prescribed drugs can change people’s lives for the better.

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Nikki J.

Fabulous! Adult ADD is something I a very familiar with second hand. My mom has struggled with this for quite some time as well as watching my little (now grown 28 year old) brother learn to handle it as an adult. While my mom spent most of her time trying to work on my brother’s issues it wasn’t till she was much older the doctor was able to pin point some of her own. She’s been on and off different meds to get it all squared away and functioning. It’s been hard cause she’s also been on and off unemployment, very very intelgent and educated but just struggled. It’s taken her a very long time to overcome the stigma of adult ADD and dealing with people telling her to quit making excuses. While yes, it is over diagnosed these days it’s also very real for some people. She now volunteers and works with NAMI and also joined some adult ADD help groups. I’m excited to find out when your episode airs so she can watch it!

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Cricky

Dude! Stop talking about my real life!
But for real, I keep trying to tell myself I’m okay and that I just need to quit being an idiot and finish a frickin’ project and stop being so lazy and stop committing and then uncommitting and now you’re telling me that other people feel the same exact thing in their head?

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Erica

I can’t wait to watch the episode! I am sure you’ll do great!

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Melissa

Think this is great on so many levels! You found a GOOD doctor who will listen to you. Thank you for being so open and candid about your life. Once again…proves we are not alone.

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Kim

This is so cool! I can’t wait, and to think, I knew you when we were sharing a red solo cup in NYC
; p

Can’t wait to watch it, because I feel like my brain is broken too. Can it just happen? Like, after something (or many) traumatic things?

XOXO

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Me

Can I just say that it actually made me sigh with relief when I read this? I’ll tell you why…
I am (extremely recently discovered) bipolar.
The last couple of years have been an insane roller coaster of mishaps. My family doc listened to me talk to him one day for like, I don’t know, five seconds and then gave me a whopping high dose prescription for depression meds which made me gain 30 lbs in 3 months and made me fucking miserable.
Now I have an actual psychiatrist, who’s a woman, and who makes me feel like I make sense.
It’s a long road and it’s not over and I still have to deal with all the rotten things I have done in the last few years. I admire you (well I already did but now I just do more) and can’t wait to watch the show if they broadcast it here in Canada.
Thank you!

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Carla

I cant wait to see this!! You really are one busy girl! I dont know how you do it! We will all be supporting you in Ga. Gonna DVR it (again, like we did 20/20), but this time to be safe, Im not telling my pastor!! LOL!!

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LH

I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 40. Adderall has made a huge difference in my life. I take Adderall “vacations”, never take more than my prescribed dose and have had no problems for 7 years. The only issues are many people think it is always “abused” and my Dr. cannot write an Rx with refills. Good luck to you.

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Deborah N

How totally awesome your going to do this! I have a brother that has untreated ADD and it really wreaks havoc on him and his large family. More power to you bringing attention to it!

On a side note – whispering now ->> your not the ONLY ONE with unusually large areolas!

BAH!

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Meredith

BAHAHAHA! It’s like National Geographic up in this mug!

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chrisinphx

Ham Wallet…almost as fun to say as Titty Sprinkles

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Becky Fitzpatrick

ADD girl right here too! I think it is environmental, because I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 27. Have fun with Katie! Can’t wait to watch

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K

Hey Mer!
I was recently dx too! (at age 39!!)…I was put on Adderall…I knew for years I had ADD..and prob have for most of my life. My doc put me on a …which I think is…a low dose of Adderall…20mg every am…not doing it! Can I ask your dose? Also…sometimes there is an additional dose given around 2pm…any thoughts? This was great to read…really! Looking forward to seeing you with Katie! :) (hope there are other cool guests…and you get great accomodates while u are there!! :)
K

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Mackenzie

Yeah for you for talking about your diagnosis! I am convinced that medical students should have to do medical show and tell, where they get up in front of each other and talk about their weird medical conditions. It would help them be able to control that whole fart-face thing when a patient is talking about something very weird, I think. Here goes mine, I’m Mackenzie and I have depression. I have been on a combination of antidepressants for over a decade and after 2 drug-free trials that failed miserably, I’ll be on them forever! I’ve learned that better living through chemistry, is just better living.

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Jennifer

I was diagnosed with adult ADD in August. I’m taking Vyvanse. Apparently the side effects aren’t supposed to be as bad or something. I take it three days and I’m off a day. My doctor said you kind of have to work with it to figure out the best level for yourself, but so far everything is going well. I was so amazed when I started taking it and the fog just lifted and I was able to be me again so I know EXACTLY what you are meaning. Good for you for not listening to the first doctor.

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Julia

WOW Cuz, you are everywhere these days…I am proud of you for getting the help you need. When Alex was in elementary school I talked to several of his teachers and all of them kept telling me he was just being a boy- finally when he got far enough behind in school and couldn’t graduate with his class I got someone to listen to me/him. Our dr sent him for testing and put him on Adderall- he took it for about 3 months and was able to get the credits he needed to graduate!!! Wish he still had the insurance to stay on it-He has been made to feel “stupid” for so long because he wasn’t able to focus long enough to learn!!! Heartbreaking that it took me until he was 18 to get him the help he needed- let me know when the school is gonna air- and I promise ya, Aunt Char is very proud of you!!! Love ya girl…

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Beth

Did they make you take the test where you can only press the space bar when you see an X? That was my favorite.

Trying to get people to believe me when I say that I have ADD is the hardest thing I have to do on a regular basis. No I’m not doing it for the meds, I can’t remember to take them half the time. No I won’t share them with you, that is illegal. No I’m not faking it for attention or to get less responsibility at work. It is hard to have ADD as an adult, you (I) feel like you (I) are (am) letting people down 999% of the time because you can’t focus/remember/follow through on anything.

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Travis

Great post – that is the first time I’ve ever heard of a vagina referred to as a ham wallet. *slow clap*

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