I don’t know if you’ve picked up on this or not, but I am a girly girl.
I don’t camp.
I don’t like to sweat.
I require a hairdryer and air conditioning.
I am not high maintenance as long as I have these things.
You’ve got me.
I’m high maintenance.
A few weeks ago I forgot to pay the electric bill. We had the money, I just shouldn’t be in charge of PAY ALL THE BILLS, because I have a lot of stuff going on all the time, and occasionally, I forget to pay things.
I called Shaun at work to break the news.
Tonight we’re going on a romantic adventure! Won’t that be so much fun? I have big plans for us!
I’m really busy at work right now, Meredith. I don’t have time for…
Don’t hang up, Shaun! This is for real. We don’t have electricity. We’re staying in a hotel.
Why don’t we have electricity? Did someone run into the pole again?
Not sure. Becky said she came home from the pool with the kids, and there just wasn’t any.
I’d better call her and see what’s going on.
Fine! I totally know why we don’t have power. I didn’t pay the bill. She said there was a note on the door. Anyway, I paid it now, but they can’t come out until tomorrow. So Becky is taking the kids home with her tonight. And I can’t stay in a hot house with no electric, so I’ve made us hotel reservations at the fancy Holiday Inn. They have a pool and a bar there.
MEREDITH! GOD DAMMIT!
I’ll meet you there after work! Bye!
Shaun was mad over nothing. He got a blowie, on a random Wednesday night, in a hotel room.
This is why I’m a good wife. I make a mistake, and then I fix the mistake in a big way, without missing a beat. I’m a fixer.
So last night when I came home, and Shaun greeted me at the door to say we once again didn’t have any electricity because of the big storms, I thought we would just pack up the kids and go back to the fancy Holiday Inn.
But, nooooooooooo. Shaun’s a HUGE dick and made us stay at home.
I’ll bet the electricity will be turned back on at any time, Meredith. We aren’t wasting money on a hotel.
So the kids and I sat around, in the hot house, that was getting hotter and hotter by the minute, drinking beer (not the kids, but me), and playing on our electronic devices until the batteries died. We don’t have flashlights because I let the kids play with them, and they lost them. So we couldn’t even do something cool like make shadow puppets. We just sat there, being hot and miserable and bored.
After a couple hours of that, I thought of a way to get electricity into the house. And of course, Shaun was a HUGE dick about my best idea ever (besides going back to the fancy Holiday Inn).
So this morning, after he left for work at whatever time it was (we can’t tell time, because we don’t have electricity, and our phones were dead), I did what I wanted to do last night just to prove him wrong.
Do you see the big orange extension cord coming from my van’s window?
THAT’S RIGHT, BABY!
It totally worked.
So this morning, I plugged in all sorts of things.
And guess what, Shaun Soleau… my car battery never exploded or died or whatever else you said it would do.
Now you all know what to do when the power is out. You buy a car plug adapter thingy, you plug it into your car, and you run a big orange extension cord into your house. YOU ARE WELCOME, INTERNET.
In the future, Shaun, I expect a little more respect for my genius ideas. And also a hotel room.