I’m Anti-Bumper-Sticker

by Meredith on January 11, 2012

I hate them all equally.

Let’s just jump into how dumb they all look and what I think about when I read them in traffic and almost rear end you.

1. I LOVE MY FAMILY. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH I WANT TO SHOW YOU THAT I LOVE THEM TO MAKE YOU HATE THEM.

2. MY KID PLAYS A SPORT. HER NAME IS LISTED HERE. PLEASE PICK HER UP IN YOUR WHITE CARGO VAN AFTER PRACTICE. TELL HER I AM IN THE HOSPITAL AND SENT YOU FOR HER. GO BRAVES!

3.  GO TO HELL, SINNER! YOU’RE NOT PERFECT LIKE ME! JESUS LOVES YOU. AMEN.

4. I HAVE BEEN IN A COMA… FOR THE PAST FEW YEARS.

5. GOOD TO KNOW.

6. I FEEL LIKE “YOU’RE” GOING TO GET PULLED OVER TODAY. 

7. ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME RIGHT NOW? GET IN YOUR OWN LANE, YOU VEGAN-PRO-LIFER!

8. ? ????  ?????  ?????????   ????? ???????????  ???  ???  ? ?   ??????????    ?

9. THIS GUY IS REALLY GOING PLACES!

10. QUICK! BOYS! PULL OUT YOUR WIENERS! SHOW THEM TO THIS LADY WHEN MOMMY PULLS UP NEXT TO HER! LILAH, PUT THAT BOTTLE BACK IN YOUR MOUTH!

What do you think of bumper stickers? Do you have one?

{ 46 comments… read them below or add one }

Ashlee

I’m tempted to make a custom bumper sticker With your blog URL now.

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Jodi

I’ve hated bumper stickers ever since I owned my 1st car. But when my daughter came home from school with those damned “honor roll” bumper stickers what’s a mom gonna do? Thank God she’s in college now and they either (a) don’t pass them out in college or (b) she’s not making honor roll. Not sure if that’s a win win situation or not now that I think about it?

Love your blog!

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Erin

I brought those home all the time as a kid, and my mother refused to put them on her car. I was upset at the time, but I got over it.

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AngieM.

i despise them. specifically the family sticker ones, i especially hate when it lists each family members name underneath each stick figure. :/

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farrar

AND all the families pets, down to the goldfish……

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Rachel

Doesn’t it seem so ridiculous? Like, give the pediphiles even more info than they need!

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Connie

I have to admit, I am into the “this is my family” window stickers – not with kids names, because yeah, invite to kidnap your child, but I like them – I don’t have one, but I do own a van and at least once weekly I am tempted to get stickered up.

I do, however, hate it when animals of any kind are included as family members. I don’t know why, to each their own, but it bugs the hell out of me.

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Laura

Not on the bumper, glass only! I have only one, on my Fiat 500 it says “FRAGILE”… it must be Italian *rim shot* Thanks, folks; I’ll be here all week.

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chrinphx

Bwahahahahahaha that is made of pure awesome!

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kelsey

When I was a wanna-be hippie in my teens my car took longer to read than “War and Peace.” I just bought a new car, and so far it is bling-free, but it’s a Subaru so I do consider putting a bunch of conservative, right-wing, Christian stickers on it to confuse people.

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Christina

I laughed myself silly on this one! I dislike all bumper sticks. There is one annoying kind, the ones that look like gunshots to the window or the baseball hit the window. WTF and also WHY?!

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Nancy [Spinning My Plates]

I’m not a bumper sticker person. My daughter saw the Disney stick people stickers the last time we were at Disneyland and begged me to get them. I lied and told her that the stickers were used to note how many people (and the size/type of person/cat/dog/etc.) the driver of the car had hit. Since I hadn’t hit anyone (nor did I plan to so she could put a damn sticker on my car), I wasn’t buying stick people wearing Mickey Mouse ears.

I win at parenting.

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Kelly

O.M.G. How can I be your friend?

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Robbie

Best. idea. EVER!

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Meredith

You DO win at parenting.

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mari

They do give you something to do while waiting at stop lights.

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Untypically Jia

We have some. Mostly geekery stuff. I agree with your hatred of pretty much everything above. Although, when we have kids I may convince my husband to buy the zombie family car stickers (http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/stickers/eba2/) or the star wars family car stickers (http://starwarsspoofs.com/star_wars_family_member_car_stickers.html).

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chrinphx

I hate the little stick families so much! As long as the stickers are on the glass they dont bother me and as soon as they get faded, ragged, or the presidental term has ended take that shit off.
I have one sticker on my back window, from Dog Beach in Ocean Beach CA with a drawing of a dog licking his balls and says “Just because he can”

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Jennifer

I hate all of the ones with kid’s names on them. I think the same thing you do. I try not to even call their name out in public. I’m sure not plastering it all over my car. Also? I’m a freak.

I used to have a small Texas flag on my back window, but I’m not even sure if I have one in the car I’m driving now. I don’t think I do.

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Meredith

Yes! I think policemen should start tracking family bumper stickers and child abductions. I would bet there is a correlation there.

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Mike

I am especially unfond of the bumber sticker proclaining the greatness of their children. You know the ones that say “My child is a Superstar at Central Elementary”

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Lisa

I hate the memorial ones. I really don’t think you’re honoring your dead MeeMaw by a three-foot high “REST IN PEACE VERLA JUNE CLAMPETT.”

Saw a memorial one for a dog the other day, and I about ran those idiots off the road.

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Meredith

A dog memorial? I’m also anti-pet.

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Maggy with the empty nest

I have a small sticker from my university stating I am a member of the Alumni Association. My favorites are the Baby on Board signs. It makes me want to go out of my way to hit them if I have to swerve.

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Meredith

Yeah, do they think that since they have the Baby on Board sticker that I will stop reading emails while driving? Because I won’t.

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Robbie

I want to see one that says “my meth head dad can beat up your crack whore mom”

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Meredith

Go make it on Zazzle.

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Jill

I hate bumper stickers, especially the family ones, they are lame. I also hate the ones that depict which sport each kid plays and their name.

Oh and those OBX ones, hate them too. Ooooh, look at me, I have been to all these sweet places. Barf!!! I wonder if they make at TOL one??? For Toledo. Haha.

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Meredith

DO IT!

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jessiee

my best friend and I have “BFE” stickers on our cars. She made them. Guess what it stands for? Yep. Bum Fuck Egypt. Been there. ;-)

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Jen

Those are some crazy ass bumper stickers!

I am going to admit that I have one on my van but it is for my blog. It just says, ‘buried with children’ and then a stick figure family. What say you about that?

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Denika

My husband and I are die-hard liberals in a building full of conservatives, and so we have a bunch of liberal bumper stickers we put on our car just to piss off our neighbors. It’s SUPER fun walking out to our car with the “WOMEN’S HEALTH MATTERS” Planned Parenthood bumper sticker on it, parked next to the car with the bright red “DEFUND PLANNED PARENTHOOD” bumper sticker. Our neighbors freaking LOVE us. *snort*

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buttah

I have a Pleepleus the monkey sticker on my back glass…he is giving the good burp sign (thumb on your forehead and pinkie out)…cause I can burp good!! Find him at drinkingmadeeasy.com We also put bumper stickers on our camper, again only on the windows, of places that we have been. We have one from Texas that says, “All of you may go to hell…I will go to Texas – Davey Crocket”. Ours is all fun stuff, no political crap!

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Ashley

I absolutely hate all bumper stickers. However, there is something more dreaded and hated than all the bumper stickers in the land….

Personalized license plates that don’t make any damn sense!!

I cannot tell you how many times I have almost gotten into an accident or followed a person like a stalker for 3 miles trying to figure out what it says. I can only slightly tolerate bumper stickers because at least they are easy to understand.

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Kate D.

That happens to me on a near daily basis…

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My Inner Chick

—You know the one that annoys me?

“My Kid Is An Honor Student!”

So what? Shuuut the hell up!! X

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mamaschinsky

My dad has ALWAYS been anti-bumper sticker. The only one he’s ever put on his car is “26.2″ because he’s a marathoner (like, he does 2 – 4 per year). I don’t think it’s that bad.

If I ever do a marathon (on my bucket list) I’ll put the same one on my car, but other than that, no. I like reading the super intense “I HATE THE RIGHT” or “I HATE THE LEFT” type stickers. It’s like, OH MY GOSH, I’VE SEEN THE LIGHT. You’ve totally changed my political views in the 47 seconds I’ve been sitting behind you at this stoplight.

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Lori Anderson

That last one — can you imagine dear mom picking up dear son while driving with that?

I have one magnet, and it’s Zack’s school. I figure I pay enough tuition, I’m keeping the damned magnet.

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Lori Anderson

OH! But it’s not a sticker, so not sure it counts, but it should. WTH is with the fake balls hanging off trucks???? I had to explain that to someone who I most certainly should NOT have had to have had that conversation with.

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pgoodness

I love bumper stickers… on other people’s cars! I love making up little stories in my head about the drivers based on them. hehe.

Kidding – I think they should be banned.

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Tiffany

I have a bumper sticker that says “I Love My Weiner” and a silhouette of a weenie dog under it. I DO love my weiner dog so fuck off haters.

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Meredith

I love wiener, too. Wait. What were we talking about again?

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Sherry Lane

Ok, I don’t like the stick people either. But I have been guilty of the Gymnastics magnet… Because my daughter is spoiled. But, when we got a new car because some lovely driver rearended me and totaled my car, I put my foot down. No magnets on my new car!

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johannamaria

No-one in here puts stickers in their car (must be because cars cost so much you have to sell a kidney to get one and you PROTECT THE PAINT WITH YOUR LIFE), but we have the signs that attach to the rear window. The stupidest one I’ve seen is “mother to be on board”. Do people put those and the “baby on board” ones because they really expect others to drive more carefully? SERIOUSLY? Also the Flying Spaghetti Monster magnet seems to be pretty big right now.

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Teri

I absolutely 100% agree with you – bumper stickers are evil and must be stopped. Every time my kid gets one of those “student of the month” or “I’m a parent of an amazing kid” bumper stickers from school — I cringe. It’s not easy having to break her heart all the time.

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Jesse

My idea for a bumper sticker is “Look, I’m another JACKASS with a Bumper Sticker”
There can be NO intelligent political thing stated on the short form of a bumper sticker. Only retarded one-liner crap that doesn’t mean or accomplish anything.

Keep Honking, I’m Reloading!!! Yeah, right A-hole. I’ll keep Honking, you keep trying to run into people and never learn to use your turn signal. What a Patriot!!

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