I fly all the time.
I am super good at it.
I know you wear stretchy pants with no metal on them. I wear shoes that easily slide on and off. I have my ID and boarding pass out at the appropriate times. I take my laptop out my bag, and I put it in a separate bin. When I get flagged by security, I smile and say nice things as they feel me up, I know it’s your job – no biggie! And you should know this is the most action I’ve seen since Saturday! Ha!
Shaun has flown with me exactly twice.
He wears the wrong clothes. He has a bunch of crap in his pockets. He gets in the wrong lines. He panics about the location of the gate and loses his boarding pass. He tries to bring liquids, and he complains about paying for things (like his giant suitcase).
I hate flying with Shaun as much as I hate the airplane bathroom.
And now? I have to take care of him and our three children.
This is not going to go well.
I am freaking out.
How do I make it through the airport with three kids, two car seats, a double stroller, two large suitcases, two carry-ons, and Shaun? And then once we actually make it to the gate, how do I keep them all busy for a five hour flight? How do I keep their ears from popping when they REFUSE to not swallow gum?
I don’t want to be the annoying people that I hate on the airplane with the kids that cry the whole time and kick the backs of seats.
Help me. I am begging you.