Do you ever read the Facebook page of your local news station and the weatherman writes, Sunny today! High of 100! Stay hydrated!
And then for no reason at all, someone chimes in and says, Screw you, Weatherman! As if he created the weather. Maybe that guy thinks the weatherman has a direct link to God.
When I read that sort of crap, I picture the weatherman on his knees praying: Dear Lord, I know we live up North. And I know this is a lot to ask, but will you please make it hotter than Hell tomorrow? I like to see armpit stains on Lee Conklin as he delivers the evening news. You know I should have been an evening anchor and not a weatherman. Maybe you could throw in a cold front on Thursday followed by a tornado for effect? Amen.
But even when people put themselves out there in the most reasonable of ways, like to say what the weather will be… there is always a hater or two. Or in my case… five. Five people hate me. So far.
I blame Obama for the haters. Everyone blames Obama for every other problem, so I am getting on the band-waggon. I don’t know why I would blame him (other than to have a post titled, “I Blame Obama” because I have always wanted to title a post as such). I kind of, sort of, want to one day become the Michelle Bachmann of Toledo, OH. Maybe I will run for Toledo City Council. This post title should help my campaign. Who knows.
But if I ran for Toledo City Council, would people be upset because I’m a mother? Probably. It would be just my luck.
I can see the headlines now:
LOCAL WOMAN RUNS FOR CITY COUNCIL! SHE HAS CHILDREN! SHAME ON HER!
WOMEN NEED TO STAY HOME AND BIRTH THEM BABIES! GET OUT OF THE OFFICE!
WOMEN ARE TOO STUPID TO MAKE DECISIONS
GET THOSE SHOES OFF AND GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN
LOOK AT HER HIPS, WHAT A WASTE, MORE BABIES, LESS WORKY-WORKY
Anyway, thank you all so much for all of the positive feedback from the 20/20 show. Click here to see the clip: 20/20 show
99% of you rock my face off. We are very blessed to have our nanny, Becky. She loves my kids so much, and we love her as well. Our life would be chaos without her.
The other 1% of you suck. And not that disagreeing with me makes you a sucky person, but judging a mother for working makes you a really sucky person.
I was shocked by those of you who have emailed/commented to me just to hate working mothers with a PASSION. It’s really nice that you all had rich daddies so your mommies could stay home with you. It’s super duper your wives stay home from 9-5 Monday through Friday. I kind of want to serve you tea and crumpets or something equally fancy while we sit around and read verses from a 1950′s version of Dr. Spock.
No, I’m just kidding. I wouldn’t give you tea or crumpets. I don’t really have time for you. I’ll just take a Starbucks for myself, black and bold, as I run out the door to my job where I MAKE MONEY FOR MY FAMILY.
I don’t really know any stay-at-home moms (maybe because I work with moms and talk to working moms at work all the time while we’re working on things and making copies of things and sending emails of things and faxing things and calling people back about things and holding meetings about things while making decisions about things). And if you’re a SAHM – good for you! I’m glad your husband makes enough money that you’re able to stay home.
But even if my husband did make enough money to allow me to stay home (which he doesn’t), I would probably still work.
*gasp*
And it’s not because I hate my children. It’s quite the opposite. I would work very hard for them because I love them so much. I feel the need to be able to fully support my family. Maybe if I had a weiner this would be okay with you. Or maybe you could understand my side of the story and be a reasonable person.
I was once a single mother (something you didn’t know based on my 3 minutes of fame). My oldest son’s father was killed in Afghanistan while working for Haliburton. We became a single income family in the blink of an eye.
My perspective on life changed. No more bartending jobs. I needed a career with normal hours and a steady income. I finished college. I found a great job that I love.
I had no choice but to become someone who earns income as a single mother. Can I get a WOOT up in here for single mothers?! That job is tough!
I had to support my son. I became stronger. I realized very quickly that there is NOTHING that I wouldn’t do for my son. I would move mountains for him. I would take the pain away from him and carry it all by myself. I would make a noraml life for him, somehow (whatever “normal” means these days). And mostly, I would be a solid foundation for him.
I want my children to have a good life. I want to take them on family vacations. I want to be able to buy them nice things like an XBOX , food, and electricity. I want my oldest son to know that we will be okay if something ever happens to my husband (because this is a fear he holds onto… one of his parents may die again while he is a kid). I don’t want to lose sleep at night fretting about making ends meet.
Ladies, I recommend educating yourselves and having your own sources of income. My working mother once told me money is freedom. She is right. Money isn’t everything, but it sure does make you feel more secure, doesn’t it?
I happen to have two sources of income – my HR job and this blog (this blog that I write while my children sleep).
I support Becky’s family (our nanny) so that she can make her ends meet. Becky is also a hard working mother. Becky’s youngest boys are 11 and 12 years-old. Her oldest boys are in their 20′s. There was some question about who is raising her children while she is at my home. Well, she does! She brings them to my house, or they’re with their dad. They just didn’t show her boys during that 3 minute clip.
We work together to make it work for our families. I love her family, she loves mine. That’s the bottom line. Yes, we are very close. We’ve become like sisters. She depends on me. I depend on her. We are two very strong women, and we are making it happen for our families. Is that so wrong? Or is that totally awesome? I think it’s AWESOME. Unlike the women in The Help, Becky and I respect each other.
I’ve made the choice to work like a “man” because I had no other choice. I had no man to depend on for money! But do you know what else happened after I shed every tear I could ever shed (because trust me when I tell you it is extremely tragic to lose someone you love so much in a stupid war)? I got really, really funny. To me everything became funny. Life is too short not to laugh and have fun. I know that firsthand.
And if you men, or SAHMs, or childless people have a problem with that… well, I cannot help you. You’re at the wrong place. This is a blog written by a woman who WORKS very hard to support two families. Plus, my cooking totally blows, so I’m sure everyone is very happy that Becky makes their dinner and not Mommy. I know I’m happy about it. Can you tell? Jeez, I’m fatter on TV than I am in my head.
This is a humor blog, not a parenting blog (that was the ONLY thing 20/20 got wrong). So if you’re here from the show… sit back… relax… de-stress… and let’s have some fun together. I promise not to post pictures of my sex toys. I don’t talk about my children unless they cross paths into the stories I am telling. Why? Because it’s damn hard being a kid. You don’t need your mother blogging about you to make it even more difficult. I mostly just talk about myself, the stuff that I see that makes me laugh, and my husband (my greatest giver of blog fodder).
Did I ever tell you about the time I totalled my car in the garage? No? It’s a great story. Tune in later this week to hear all about it.
Now it’s your turn to chime in on the working mom topic. Is it okay for a woman to work and have a nanny (or daycare) for 45 hours per week? Or is a woman who works a terrible person, who should die in a fiery car crash, while “The Thong Song” is blaring on the car stereo (because that would be an awful way to go, wouldn’t it)?
{ 92 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m a working mom who will kick ANY SAHM’s soft fluffy tushy any day of the week. Bully for you if you’re FORTUNATE enough to stay home and not work. I’d be fatter than I already am if I was as lucky as you. But I, like Meredith, like my job and like my kids and our lives are better because I work outside the home. Haters gonna hate. (I know not all SAHM’s aren’t fat, that’s not the point of my rant. Just know I would be large and in charge if I stayed home. Weekends are hell for me when it comes to controlling what I eat.) Any-who, ya’ll need to lay off telling folks they’re bad people for what they choose to do. Unless it involves killing children or small puppies… then preach away.
I agree with what you said…I am a SAHM(kinda bc i still work from home) and I have def. gained weight since i have been home more! YIKES!
I used to work in at a daycare/preschool and if it wasn’t for working moms and dads, I would have been out of a job. While I am a SAHM that does cakes etc, I still take my daughter to a sitter once a week, bc I still need some alone time! For us, by the time I would have paid a sitter and went to work, I wouldn’t have been making anything. That is why it worked better for us for me to stay home. (but I still need me time)
I think it is amazing that you have a job that you love and want to go to! Good for you! People should not down you for doing something that you love. You are lucky to have someone that watches and loves your children! There is no shame in being a mom who works…oh no did i just say that?? That’s right, like you said many women work! So for those who were being haters to you and your family, tell them to shove it bc I thought your segment was awesome and ur hair rocked! Just sayin!
My hair did totally rock. Thanks for noticing!
I was gonna say the hair thing too. You are HAWT!! I think you are beautiful, hilarious, and increibly strong. I would be too big of a weenie to put this out there but I’m so glad you did. Those commenters infuriated me! I am a single working momma and you bet your ass my daughter is my number one. Love you! Keep it up! Thanks for being inspiring!
I totally agree! I like that you used a specific example that I said when I replied to “e”
I think that Mom’s should work like Dad’s do! If a Dad works hard to provide for the family but is only making ends meet….why can’t the Mom work to help bring in more money? I think it’s the most brilliant idea! SAHM are cool and its a blessing if you’re able to stay home because you’re husband brings in the money! (But bashing working mother’s isn’t the way to go!) You’re great, your blog is great, and you do bring humor and some parenting into many people’s lives each day! I look forward to reading your latest posts…and especially the one about totaling your car in the garage! I (almost) totaled my car in the drive way once…so I’m super excited to hear about your story! Thank you for working hard and being a great WORKING mommy and blogger…if anyone else doesn’t tell you that, you know that I have today! Thank you!
Meredith…simply put. YOU ROCK! I hate hearing from women who ask me all the time now that I have two kids. Will you stay home with them now? Why because now that I have 2 kids my hard work and studying to kick ass in high school and college are now irelevant because I have 2 kids? Um NO. No I plan to work to teach my daughter that mommy can make just as much (or more ha!) money than daddy. You too can be an executive before your 30. And we can both do housework and clean…its a partnership not a dictatorship. And yes she too can work and have kids and have money. You can have it all honey…don’t let anyone tell you any different! Loved hearing about you on 20/20 and I love your blog! You go momma!
I love your thoughts on this so much that I almost forgot THOSE HATERS CAN SUCK IT. Who are they to judge you? When they have kids with dependent personality disorder, I hope that they can find jobs to pay for that therapy little Johnny and Suzy need. What happens when bread winning Daddy gets laid off and judgmental Mom is not employable because she has not worked in 8 years because she was “raising her kids the right way”? I try really hard not to judge people for the way they are and the choices they make. In turn, I would hope others would be the same. If not, F*&K em if they can’t take a joke
i wasn’t able to watch the whole segment. however, i made it home on time to watch yours. loved it, loved you!
you do an awesome job AND are an equally awesome person.
keep doing what you do. and like “they” say. “haters gonna hate!” dust it off, and keep on going
xoxo
I am a SAHM. Please all of you stop hating on us (me). To ME, it’s important that I am there all day for my one child and my career (preschool teacher) simply didn’t pay enough to make child care feasible anyway. I LOVE being at home and we live on less than 40k a year, we have an old home (the one I grew up in), old cars, and we do without but that’s OUR choice.
I think Meredith rocks! It’s her choice to do what feels right for her and her family, HER choice. People should let others make their OWN choices and stop bashing others. I don’t know Ms M here personally but I’ve read every blog and she clearly loves and values her family. That is ALL that really matters!
Thanks for the kind words about me.
And I want to be very clear, my post was not to hate on SAHMs. It was simply to give people perscpective who are judging those of us who choose to work.
I didn’t so much think you were hating but a few replies seemed a little too mean.
Now, I must ask a personal question and hope I don’t get slapped! Hair color- Yours or Bottled? I used to have the best platinum blonde haor naturally but it’s darkened so much over the years!
Oooo! I love talking hair!
I have NO idea what my natural color is anymore. I get it done every 8 weeks like clock work. I get a partial highlight on the top. Use color, not bleach. I can’t do it myself because I always mess it up from a box, but I know plenty of girls who are talented enough to color it themselves. I use Morrocan Oil to make it shiney and soft. And I use Redken Blonde Glam shampoo and conitioner. It keeps the color brilliant.
Kristy, I thought the replies were a little mean myself. Some of the commenters are talking out of both sides of their mouths.
I am a full-time working mommy of 2 wonderful little girls who are my life. If I could stay home with them, I would. But guess what, I can’t. Most families need 2 working parents. Sorry not all of us can have a cushy life.
Meredith, go you momma! Screw the haters!
I hate that people are “hating” on you for being a working mom. Get real folks, these days you NEED 2 incomes to make it work (in most cases.). I’m a SAHM, but we struggle constantly to make it work. My husband and I made the decision for me to stay home until our kids are in school. It is working for us (sometimes just barely) but that doesn’t mean it would work for everyone. Quite frankly, I can’t WAIT to go back to work, for a number of reasons. I also blog, so I guess I could be considered a WAHM. Regardless, if you are a mom, you are working your ass off, so kudos to all of you.
You tell them Meredith! I was there when you were going through the hard times. When you were worried about having to depend on someone else to help you financially. I seen you face that fear head on and with such determination I seen you stand tall and say I will finish school I will make a good living I will take care of my son and myself and not have to ask for help! And Praise God you did it!! That took Courage… Strong will… And a lot of Faith… So Bless you and never let anyone discourage you : )
I love you all so much. XOXOXOXO
And you helped me so much through that time. All of his family helped me. I am forever thankful and sincerely happy that we are all so very close even after he died.
“Maybe if I had a weiner this would be okay with you.” I just snorted Dr Pepper all over my keyboard (which sits in front of my monitor, which sits on my desk, in my office, where I am an accountant for an oil company. Working mom’s FTW!)
I live to say the word weiner. I try to say it about 6 times per day. It’s super fun. You should try slipping it into your conversation about accounting things.
“This spreadsheet is being a real weiner right now! Sum! Just give me the sum!”
“I just looked at our bank account. I don’t think they cashed that check yet because we have enough money to buy a footlong weiner in there.”
“Salesmen are such weiners sometimes! I need receipts with your expense reports!”
“That looks slippery. Like a wet… (well, you get the point).”
I think whatever works for your family is your business (even if you put it on a blog or tv). I say keep laughin’ and laugh them off. I am a SAHM but my kids are all now school aged and I’m ready to get back to work…home is BO-RING!
Make sure you list your years as a SAHM on your resume. This is REALLY important. It shows that you didn’t have a gap. And then for bullet points about what you did as a SAHM, you list things like finances, purchasing, and management of a household. Because you really did do all of those things and some HR person somewhere will be super impressed with your resume.
I’m pretty sure I have a girl crush on you now!!!!
It blows me away that in 2011 we are still dealing with this mentality.
I am a working single mom my husband died suddenly three years ago. My son was just three.
I was working then too. I am an older mom, I had my son when I was 42. I was not about to stay at home at age 42. I finally found my niche and I didn’t want to loose it. Plus I am not the stay-at-home type. My husband was able to schedule two days off during the week when I really needed to be at work to be home with our son and the other three days I did stay home but worked in the home office as my job allowed me too. We needed two incomes, my husband worked at Home Depot and I am the CEO of Libraries for a small rural library system. He had health benefits I did not. My husband would have loved to have stayed home with our son. Not because he didn’t want to work but because he was that kind of dad.
When we put our son in daycare of course it bothered me, guilt etc. I cried almost every time I left him but you know what? He was fine. As an only child he got to interact with other children, learn social skills, learned a bit of sign language, etc. Now he is a happy six year old going into grade one in the FALL. He too is afraid something is going to happen to me this plays on his mind every time I leave to go somewhere without him.
Men and women should parent their children equally, nurture equally, spend time equally.
I feel safe knowing that while I am at work, earning a living to support my family my son is being taken care of and learning and making friends along the way.
Until you have walked in somebody else’s shoes stop being so judgmental.
I believe the majority of the negative comments are coming from people who are jealous because Meredith and her husband have a Nanny.
I think so, too. And if people looked into the cost of sending 3 children to a good daycare, I think they would actually find that a nanny is more affordable. Our nanny does not live-in, but you can get a live-in for even less! I like it that they are able to stay at home and only be exposed to things that I can control (like our lack of head lice).
First and foremost…to each his own. Whatever makes someone happy, I’m all for it! I’m on both sides of this particular fence. I was a VERY happy career woman. I worked for a global organization and I was good at it. Until one day, I met my husband and had to make some serious choices. He’s in the Army and unfortunately BMW Finanical Services didn’t have locations across the country for me to keep my job. So, I quit it all, left my family and friends and married my soul mate. I moved to Florida, then to California and gave birth to my awesome daughter. Could I work? Yes! My husband would support me 100%. However, I wouldn’t be able to find a job in my profession, knowing I’m only here for another 1 1/2 years. Besides, I find it incredibly unfair to do to an organization who’d invest in me, only to have me leave when the Army says it’s time.
Do we roll in the dough? No. Are we comfortable? Yes. Could we be even more comfortable if I worked? Hell yes. Having been a career woman, I can say without a doubt, being a stay at home mom is a TRILLION TIMES HARDER than working in an office. I never get breaks, there aren’t vacations and entertaining a tiny person ALL DAY is exhausting. Oh, and I don’t get paid, I don’t get a bonus and I don’t get any of the perks I had, like a brand new BMW every 6 months. However, I have this little blond beauty who thinks I’m funny as shit, makes me laugh and adores me. It’s hard as hell, but rewarding in different ways. I’m envious of those that do work and I do miss it. However, this is my life at the moment and someday I’ll join the workforce again.
Oh, for the record..my ass isn’t soft and fluffy. I work out every morning because it’s the ONLY time someone else watches my kid and I get 1 1/2 hours to myself. My ass was VERY soft when I sat in an office chair all day long eating treats people brought in. Chasing a baby and going to the gym has firmed up this ass! I’m not being bitchy, I swear! I’m just telling it like it is.
Nobody has any right to judge someone in a different position. Work, don’t work, it doesn’t matter. Just don’t judge those who make decisions different than your own.
Right. And I want to be very clear, this post was not written to bash on SAHMs. It was written in defense of the nasty comments/emails that I received such as this:
“Meredith, You are a disgrace to Toledo, OH. You went on national television and spoke about another woman raising your child. How dare you! Maybe you should be in therapy. It would be another hour you could spend away from your children, talking abotu yourself. And who raises her kids while yours reap the benefit of her. You are a terrible person.”
And then I laughed out loud and wrote this post. I’m a disgrace to a struggling city for working? Really?
I didn’t think for a second you were bashing SAHMs, no worries! Seriously someone wrote that?! I want to cut them. Chin up, boobs out and laugh…..
I grew up with a SAHM and I loved having her there for me all the time. Well my parents are now getting divorced after 28 years and my Mom has to start all over again, find a career get an education at age 50 because she hasn’t worked since her teens. I think it’s a great blessing to have the opportunity to stay at home, but I also think that mothers as a whole need to make sure they can take care of themselves, and their children should something ever happen to that income. No matter how they do that, be it fantastic life insurance to making sure they have an education in something to working a few jobs or obtaining some skills to make them marketable should they need to be. Just for safety and security! I also think that people should be given the room and the space to do whatever needs to be done for themselves and their families. If they enjoy working, they should be allowed that right without judgement. If they enjoy staying home and spending every waking moment with their children they should be allowed that right without judgement. In my case, I would like to not have to work so I could finish my education and bring in a little income doing what I love to do, not what I have to do. I work from home and raise my children nearly full time. I go in to work about twice a month. It is a very hard thing to balance work and home life on a daily basis. But I do what I have to in order to make sure my family is provided for as my husband’s income does not quite cover what we need to pay. Would I like to be a SAHM? Yes, I would, but I would still use that time to better myself and my education and how is that different from a working mom, really? I think people just need to realize that you can’t ever see the full picture of anyone’s life. So, step off, quit being so judgy, and worry about how much time YOU are wasting heckling people who’s lives are busy enough working and raising their kids.
Totally. I can track stats, and the person who left me the nastiest comment (that I took off the site) was on my site for FOUR hours! She was so mad that she practically read the whole website. All I can say to her is, “THANKS! EVERY HIT COUNTS! AND THE LONGER THE BETTER!” But, yeah, for hating me, she sure put a lot of effort into it.
FOUR HOURS??! Wow, that’s heckling dedication!
Oh, and the “smokin’ hot” comment made my day! Thank you!
I watched your segment on 20/20 the other night and have spent the weekend catching up on your blog ~ you are fabulous! I have loved every post! You now have another loyal reader. I have busted a gut many times over the weekend, getting glimpses into your family’s life. Thank-you. As a parent of a cat (so far), I couldn’t even imagine some of the things that you have gone through and I think that you and Shaun have made the right decisions for your family and shouldn’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
P.S. My sister and I were daycare kids and we turned out just fine. My parents didn’t have any other option. We are also still friends with some of those kids today and our babysitter came to my sister’s wedding last year.
P.P.S. If I were to die in a fiery crash, I would want to be rocking out to P!nk.
If I were to die in a fiery crash, it would be Miranda Lambert.
Thank you for writing about this topic. I know you are always very funny, but this post made me cry. This has been a huge topic around my house lately. I have some big decisions to make. It hit home having a very strong woman tell me the truth.
PS. How does one find a nanny?
I’m a SAHM. For my family, it’s not about my husband making enough to let me be home. It’s about the cost of daycare eating up all of my potential paycheck and half of his. My working would cause us to default on bills like phone, electric, heat, rent and even food. Not really something we want to do to our kids.
Within 3 years, my youngest will be in kindergarten and I will have finished night courses at the local college and be ready to go back to work. I want to be able to afford something other than the bare necessities. I also look at me going to work as a type of insurance. Just like I make sure my husband knows how to do what I do at home in case I pass suddenly, I need to make sure that I can do what he does if he passes suddenly. Money from life insurance doesn’t last forever and I would like to be prepared, just in case.
Staying at home doesn’t make you a better parent and neither does working. Doing what’s best for your family, does.
I have to Thank You too!
I am a full-time working mom of 2 little boys, 3 & 4. And thank god I work because I am pretty sure my kids would hate me and they would be dumb if I stayed home with them! And with that being said, I am a wonderful mother and I do teach my kids. And they have never called their daycare teachers mom!
So, my blood was almost boiling a little until I read Leigh’s post at the very end. I pretty much feel the exact same way. I have a hard time with women tearing each other down all the time. I also have a hard time with women being upset about being judged and in the same breath knocking what someone else is doing (whether it is being a SAHM, or a mother who is employed). Notice I said ‘employed’, because as a SAHM of three for almost 9 yrs… I feel like most moms work their ass off (and my ass is also the complete opposite of soft… my exercise is chasing and caring for my kids and puppy
I really feel like being home right now is MY calling. There is nowhere else I would rather be in this season of my life, so I get bummed when people trash it. That is not to say that it’s for everyone. It also doesn’t mean that I won’t be doing something else at a later point in my life. But, I work too, damnit! And I feel like my contributions to the family are invaluable. And I get tired of hearing how it must be nice to have a husband who makes enough money that I can stay home… or something similar. For the majority of our married life with children, my husband was enlisted in the military and earned between 20,000 – 30,000 a yr. Even when he got out of the military, he had to take a pay cut and start all over again. But guess what? We have always made smart choices to make it work. We have a nice home. We have two nice cars. My children have nice rooms and even some fun stuff to play with 
And we still found some $ to spare and save. But we didn’t always have $100 cable… we ate a lot of meals at home… we shared one car for two years that we paid $1500 for when we first got married… I got a haircut once or twice a year and my husband cut his own hair. I could go on and on and on about the sacrifices that we made… but the point is that we always had more than enough… My husband and I had to really evaluate what we both wanted our family to be, and prioritize based on that. I feel soooo thankful for those years when money was a bit tighter because I realized what is most important. It brought us together as a couple and made us stronger and more united. I am very grateful for my husband and his hard work that supports us financially. I work hard to be a good steward of that money. And we BOTH work hard to support our family spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Honestly, I truly feel like a lot of families are in crisis right now… so if a couple is in love and the children are happy (and I don’t mean just from all the STUFF they have, but really happy), then the rest is just gravy and no one else’s business.
And to Meredith… I saw the 20/20 segment, and it made me tear up a little too. You can see the love in your home and it was beautiful. Looks like you’re all doing great to me… so forget anyone who says otherwise:)
Awww… you and Leigh actually know each other. And I have commented back to her, which I think fits for you as well.
Basically, this post wasn’t designed to rip on SAHMs. But rather, it was to vent my disgust in those that judge mothers who work with a 1952 attitude about what is best for my family.
On my “About” page is the perfect example of the idiocy. John Smith wrote (and I doubt that is his real name) “If you were a good mother you wouldn’t work and take care of your children.” While his sentence structure sucks, I think he is telling me that I suck at parenting.
I also deleted a couple of comments because they were insane and very hurtful.
One of them told me that she couldn’t believe that I write a parenting blog since I am not an expert on parenting because someone else is raising my children. Um? No. I am raising my children. Do you think Mr. Greene raised us since we went to school all day? No. So that is just insane.
Another person emailed me to tell me that I am the problem with the youth of this country. Really? I am the problem with all of the youth of this country? That is a lot of responsibility! Who knew that little ‘ol me from Toledo, OH could fuck an entire generation?
Also, I work. And I have a super squishy tooshy. Like, Super. Duper. Squishy. Damn 3pm vending machine urges.
Leslie- =) Meredith claims I know you….I’m guessing you’re a Swanton grad?
Guilty
Class of ’98
Meredith~ All of the youth IS a big responsibility… good luck with that ; )
Oh yeah, I am taking down a generation… one kid at a time.
She is! She was my besty at SHS.
I’m new to your blog, thanks to 20/20. I’m glad to have found you and look forward to all you have to share. I am a single mom. I raised both of my children by myself. They’re father’s..yes they each have a different dad(don’t judge, you don’t know the facts) and neither father could be bothered to be in my children’s lives. I worked until the night before I had my daughter, and up to six weeks before I had my son (medical issues had me stop working early). With both kids I was back to work at 6 weeks of age. I had no choice, I was the sole bread winner. I still work full time to this day.
Rag on me if you want to but I’m damn proud I managed to raise two well rounded children. Both have just recently graduated high school and one is in college and the other has special needs and attends a day program while I work.
I think what you do for your family, working, having a nanny, etc is awesome. Its great you get to do what you want to do and have someone to help with the things you cannot do on your own. Keep on Girl! GREAT JOB!!
WOOT! Single mother in the house, y’all! YOU go girl!
My mom works 12 hours a day, 6 days a week as a waitress to support my 14 year old brother and herself. She has a car, a 4 bedroom house, and is happy. My brother has a Wii, an Xbox and a Playstation 3. He has food, clothing, shoes, a bed, electricity and he is loved. He will tell you he is happy and he knows how hard she works for him. Being a working mother doesn’t mean you love your kids any less. If my mother didn’t love him, she wouldn’t work and would let him starve.
Waitressing = Hardest Job EVER
God bless her.
Loved your 20/20 segment! I don’t understand why people would have a problem with you being a working mom and having help. Not only is it none of their business, it’s also not like you left your kids with the derelect down the block – your nanny has an amazing genuine bond with your children. That’s really hard to find and maintain.
As for the working mom thing, both of my parents worked and my mom worked sometimes two jobs to support us. It’s what you did to pay your bills and feed your children. Not every marriage can afford to have a SAHM. If they want you to stay home, they better come up with your portion of the bill money every month…..just saying.
Kudos to you!
Meredith,
I am totally OUTRAGED that people would bash you or treat you with disrespect for choosing to support (and love) your family by working outside the home. That has to be one of the most asinine things I’ve ever heard. They kind of make me want to vomit.
I can only imagine what they would think of my family where I am at this point the primary bread winner and although I don’t work 5 days a weeks the days I do work are usually 13+ hours.
Fuck the haters. YOU are marvelous and your children already know that.
You are awesome and doing a FANTASTIC job!! May no mother have to feel the pain that you have personally felt and feel for Lars. The readers/viewers with their negative comments are just upset with their own miserable lives, and take every opportunity they have to share their negative attitudes. Take pride in teaching your children the same message about working hard and being able to provide for themselves and their familes!!
You know I love you hard. Like, super hard.
You give me a hard lady boner.
I’ll have to read everyone else’s comments later, but…
I quit a good paying job to stay home with my 2nd child because I thought that was where I needed to be. I ended up staying home and literally going crazy (partly due to kids and partly due to post-Katrina PTSD loveliness).
I decided to go back to work once I realized that SAHM-hood was not for be, but the morning of my interview to go back to my previous employer, I found out I was pregnant with #3!
Long story short, I’m not a good SAHM. Period. Staying home for the time I did made me realize that I’m a better mom to my kids when I am working.
To all the haters: you need to realize that it takes BOTH kinds of mamas to make the world go ’round.
)
Preach it, sister! Amen!
I think the major problem is mom-bashing in general, and it starts during pregnancy. Natural childbirth moms will bash on moms who choose to have an epidural. Breastfeeding moms will bash on moms who choose formula. I have a good friend who was ripped apart by someone who shared a family bed because my friend uses the “cry it out” method.
I was at a moms conference (Hearts at Home) a few years ago, when the main speaker got up on stage and went off on a rant about this very subject. It really made me think. Why do we as women and mothers feel the need to tear each other down like this? Are we trying to validate our own personal choices? Are we trying to make ourselves feel better about our lives and our families? I think so.
Think of how we could change the world if we just started encouraging each other! The next time you meet a mom who does things a little (or a lot) different than you, just tell yourself, “We are all moms! We are all trying to do the best we can for our families!” Tearing each other down just causes more problems. It doesn’t make you feel any better, and it sure makes someone else feel a whole lot worse.
On a side note: The only problem I had with the interview was your nanny saying that she didn’t think she worked as hard as the nanny’s in the book. I don’t believe her.
^^^^^THIS GIRL HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD!^^^^^
I don’t believe her either. She is a saint. She works very, very hard.
oh my I totally agree. Becky works way hard! I cannot imagine spending all day everyday with someone elses almost 2 year old and a 3 year old on top of it. I cannot keep up with my almost two year old! The segment made me laugh and cry. You can just see how much she loves your kids! AMAZING!
Yes, she did hit the nail on the head…very hard! I agree 100%!!!!!!!!
I’m a lawyer who went to school for a long time to do something I love. My husband is a lawyer as well. Guess what? He loves it. When we have kids we will have a long hard talk about which one of us, if either of us, stay home with them. If we don’t stay home we will find someone we trust to help us with our kids. I’m ok with that, and maybe one day you can give me a few pointers?
Yeah, steal someone from daycare. That’s what we did!
Meredith,
First of all I am SO glad I have found your blog. Like many others I spent the majority of the weekend catching up a previous posts and changing my underwear because I peed my pants laughing so hard! Keep up the good work! Secondly, the 20/20 segment was wonderful. Its sad that as women, we work so hard to tear each other up instead of supporting one another. It happens in the workplace and in social circles. Although my baby is 26 years old, the issues were the same back in the olden days!!! I was the worst SAHM. I could not stand being home all day long. Betty Crocker/Martha Stewart I am not. I truly believe a HUGE part of what makes Abby the woman she is today is because she had a mom who worked and ‘allowed’ others to share in her upbringing!
We can suck together as I was until recently a FT working mom with a Nanny whom we love and wonder how we were going to survive without her. She had a baby and now our daughter goes to her house for childcare. Some how I worked a deal where I can work PT and be at home PT. The more difficult job? Staying at home PT. But seriously I feel like the adage to each his/her own is best on this subject. Essentially we should all be doing what is best for our individual needs. I do get annoyed with whiny people who bitch and moan about money and the lack of it if they are not working and the whole if I work it costs more to have childcare but that is my own issue. I feel the same way you do. I have always asked myself, not generally outloud, that if my husband died tomorrow what would I do? I need to be in charge, I would need to make money and support my kids and our life. By no means do I negate the efforts he makes as a parent or our partnership in parenting/finances/life but I also know I am capable of parenting in all aspects without him specially financially. Any who, hot topic. Bring on the fun!
Ouch, ouch, ouch. I feel your pain, very much. You are hurting. But, your anger at SAHM’s makes ME hurt. I don’t care if you work or not. I like your blog. I enjoy your writing. But, I don’t want to think that you think less of me because I made a different choice than you did, and that’s what I’m taking from this angry post. I’m a SAHM and I feel very “less than” right now.
I waited until I was in my 30′s to have kids. I worked all through my 20′s and into my early 30′s, had my very own apartment for more than 5 years before I moved in with my new husband (okay, we moved in 6 weeks before the wedding, but who’s counting?) I don’t have a college education, but I guarantee I’m one of the smartest people you’ll ever meet (my husband and I met in Mensa, if you don’t know what that is, look it up, like my Dad always said…). I supported myself well for a long, long time, had two different fully realized careers before I gave up the grind and decided to become a stay at home mom.
I had a rotten childhood with parents who both worked and didn’t have much time for me, so I chose something different for my family. We all make our choices based on who we are and what we want for ourselves and our children. I know that my kids will be kids for such a short time in my life, and then I will go back to work and reinvent myself again, something I find exciting to anticipate and know will be a wonderful opportunity for a woman in her 50′s, to find something new again, and learn something new in a totally different context. I’m not afraid of a challenge, I relish it, and know that this unknown future of mine will be whatever I want it to be. But, for now, I’m home with my kids, and homeschooling them to boot.
Like you, I would do ANYthing for my kids, and it is my humble opinion that separation just leads to more separation. I know if my kids have been apart at classes, or sleepovers, or camps, or whatever, they have a hard time reconnecting after they come back together. But, when we spend more time together, we all get along better. Just my personal experience, and quite different from some of what you were alluding to up there. I know you don’t mean to be mean, but it did come off a bit that way. Just sayin’. There’s always another way.
Don’t let the haters bring you down to their level. SAHM’s aren’t all bad. I mostly hang around SAHM’s and talk to SAHM’s while we do stuff like Momming, and schooling, and sharing some quiet moments over tea while we pretend like we don’t hear our kids running around like wild animals.
And, if the worst should happen, yeah, it would be a huge change for my family, but we’d make it through. I can make money, I know that I can. I’ve done it in the past, and I can do it again. You don’t need to be “conventional” to provide for a family. We might not be able to take the big family vacations we take now every year, and we might have to buy a smaller house, but we’d survive, and thrive, while we did everything we could to keep what remained of our family together.
There’s never just one right answer.
You’re right.
But in all fairness, the post was not hating on SAHMs. It was hating on those with attitude that working mothers are somehow “less than”. I think staying at home is HARD! It is a full time, around the clock job. But, the point was, just because I choose to work does not make me a bad mother. I make time for my children. A lot of time. It just pisses me off that from a 3 minute segment people feel like I am a terrible mother for going out there and making a paycheck.
I know some of the comments are nasty, and I totally apologize for that. But the post itself was directed towards those that are hating on working moms, not those that of you that stay home.
I’m sorry if you took it any other way. That’s the thing about writing. It’s hard to hear a tone. That’s why I tried to explain, in detail, why I chose to make this choice. I was left alone because my fiance died and left me as a single mother. Not everyone has that path to walk down. It is a unique situation that I had to struggle with, which resulted in my decision to become a bread winner for my family.
I loved your 20/20 piece! I grew up with both parents working and my sisters and I were at a babysitters until 6pm everyday. I see absolutely nothing wrong with parents who work to support their families.
I’ve been in both situations. I was a single, working mom to my 1yo after my divorce. I worked from the time she was born, until just before she started kindergarten. That’s when I lost my job due to downsizing. I remarried and am now a SAHM to my 3 girls. My husband works very hard to support our family. We chose to have me stay home because, any money I made outside of the home would barely cover child care costs for 3 kids. This was our decision. It’s what works for our family.
You and your husband should be very proud to have someone, who loves your kids, care for your children. Becky seems like a wonderful person.
How can ANYONE determine what is best for SOMEONE ELSE’S family? All the haters can suck it.
I wish you all the best! You are awesome!
I am so sad I missed the 20/20 segment, seriously sad. But anywho, I am a SAHM and would never hate on you for working, and it sickens me that so many people have. I have been both a SAHM and full time employee and honestly I envy you! You get to have adult conversation with someone other than the CSR at Ohio Edison, you also get help around the house (God how I would LOVE that). I stay home because for me to work right now it would cost us more for daycare and gas, than I’d make and that’s dumb. We aren’t wealthy by any means, we live in a townhouse and drive 11 year old cars but its what we think makes sense for us right now. Once the toddler starts school next fall I have every intention to return to work and school and I’m stoked! I will definitely miss being here when the bus comes or attending every one of my oldest son’s sporting events but I also know that the only way we will ever own our own home is with 2 incomes, but also for the adult interaction and my hubby pitching in more around the house (don’t tell him that’s the real reasons).
Some people aren’t cut out to stay home, I am an awful housewife and have no problem admitting that. And why some people think that they have any right to judge you or anyone else baffles me. I’d love to see them on TV to show us all how we do it wrong, but we won’t see them because their lives aren’t perfect and wouldn’t have the balls to put a face with their wretched insults that they spew on the internet. So the moral of my novel comment to you, especially since it probably doesn’t make much sense because I’m pissed, fuck em, fuck em all! You live your life the way that you and your hubby see fit,and as long as everyone’s happy who the hell are any of them to tell you have to run your home!
PS here’s a thought send out email responses with one of your bills attached that reads “I have taken your fantastic advice to quit my awesome career and stay home. So therefore our finances will be a little tight and since you felt so strongly about my not working I figured you would be more than willing to chip in and cover this months water bill! Thanks a million.”
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! This is the BEST idea ever!
Also, I too would be a horrible housewife. I have a confession. I may cook once per month. On the weekends, it’s cereal and take-out. I loathe cooking things. I want to like to cook so bad, but I just can’t get into it. And laundry is my enemy.
Okay so I swear I will watch the 20/20 segment tomorrow now that I’m finally home from a weekend with the fam and I have internet access again.
Okay so a few years ago I was totally on the pro-SAHM movement. So much so that I drank all the Koolaide I could and even though I didn’t have kids of my own I raised my, “Raise Your Own Damn Kids” banners.
And then I woke up one morning and was like, “Wow . . . I kinda sound like an asshole.”
And one of my best friends is a working mother, I was raised by working mothers, and though most of them were working because they didn’t have a choice, I was grateful for their hard work. Cause isn’t that what the whole feminist movement was about? A choice? I’ve no right to tell you to stay at home than anyone else has the right to tell me to go to work. I’m a housewife without kids, and that’s my choice.
It’s what makes me happy.
And working makes a lot of women happy. And if that’s their choice, then have at it sisters!
Jia – I love you. You are always so funny! I love it that you didn’t have kids and you were telling people to stay at home.
Also, you’re a housewife without kids? I think I might like that situation. In that situation, I would just secretly hoard my husband’s money one dollar at a time into a secret stash and my house would always be clean and I could drink Skinny Girl Maragaritas all day long. Is that what it’s like? Or is this just some fantasy world that I made up in my head?
To be fair, in my situation there are still dirty dishes. It’s not pretty. Also, I’m pretty sure my basset hound just shat in the corner. I’m pretty sure this is exactly what parenting is like. Only I didn’t have to breastfeed (thank God).
Also, anytime I see the combined words “fantasy world” all I see is strip clubs because one in town is actually called “Fantasy World” which makes me wonder what guys fantasy is to go home covered in glitter and sober to boot (cause apparently they don’t serve alcohol there, strange folk).
I’ve already forgotten what this post was about. Huh. Probably about the fact that you’re all super famous now and you’re talking to me, so I feel warm by being adjacent to your awesome spotlight.
Yeah we’ll go with that.
I work and I have kids. If I didn’t work, we wouldn’t make ends meet. Period. We’ve had our kids in childcare since they were 4 months old, and they love it.
I thought that your 20/20 segment was awesome.
I am totally for working mom since I am one. My kids are in daycare and you know what, I actually think that is good for them. They need to be away from me and learn how to deal.
Meredith, I found your website through Brittney’s & wanted to tell you how much I love the things you write. I have been a working mom, a married stay at home mom, a widowed mom (my husband was in the air force & died in a plane crash 9 years ago) & now I am recently remarried. I have 2 daughters that I have been fortunate enough to stay home with thanks to the benefits we received from the military. I must say that the hardest job I had was being a working mom. I don’t know how you all do it! I have the utmost respect for ANY mother. We all work our asses off & should be each other’s biggest cheerleader instead of bashing & judging each other’s choices. We ALL have stories to tell & factors that lead up to the choices we’ve made. Keep on doing what you’re doing, because nobody can do it like you!
I’m not going to lie – staying at home would be a hard job for me to do. YOU GO GIRL for making it happen 24/7.
From an old working mom (who worked beside your working mom!) to you Meredith – Proud to know you girl! We are not always working moms by choice but no matter – - love of our families is always at the heart. We hard working moms have your back!! And I hope all of you judgemental sahms never find yourself in a position to re-enter the workforce. We just might eat you alive!!
So…I LOVE the idea of you running for council. When you grow a pair of balls big enough to do it, let me know. The Libertarians are calling
Dude. Now that I wrote it – I feel like it has to happen.
Seriously you rock! You rock on so many levels! I myself am a working mother. I have two, not one, but two business degrees and I am about to finish my MASTERS! Yes haters, thats right … I’m smart and succesul and a MOM! And I love to work and provide for my daughter. Its awesome – I don’t need to depend on man for it. There are no allowances to be asked for! I do have a husband, but I am the bread winner and damn proud of it! For all those working mom’s who juggle the job, the commute, the child, school and dinner – You’re my hero’s!
Missed the show, stupid driving back from Kentucky with my screaming 2 year old got in the way. You apparently reached in my brain and wrote down my thoughts(hopefully it was clean in there)! Moms need to stop judging and start helping each other. You and your nanny seem to have this down and you should be proud of how you live your life. Example: I’m probreast feeding, but when my daughter was 3mos old I was working 80 hrs a week. Our rhythm wasn’t exactly sympatico. I started supplementing with formula and eventually switched to it full time. The guilt I felt about this was only topped by the guilt my breast feeding friends wanted me to feel. Somehow if I felt bad about my choice, it justified their choice. Eventually I found new non-hater mommy friends, but I see this repeated over and over on the blogs, between coworkers, in my family. Stop the hate!
Exactly! And there is a link to our portion of the show in the post where is says “20/20″.
I think it’s tough to be a parent – SAH or working. I have no idea why we concern ourselves so much with other people’s life choices! If you’re working, rock on, if you’re staying at home, rock on. Make the choice that’s right for you and and your family
I saw you on the 20/20 show and decided to check out your blog. I love it! I went through your most popular posts and cried because I was laughing so hard. I love the way you write – so, so funny! I’m a SAHM that works part time teaching now. I don’t stay home because we are rich or my hubby makes a ton of money. It’s something that I wanted to do and my teaching position at the time I had kids didn’t pay enough for us to cover child care. So not all SAHM are married to rich daddies and enjoying the high life. I think everyone needs to do what is best for their family. I don’t think there is anything wrong with working or not working, as long as you are doing what is best for your family. PS – I love, love, love your hair!!! It’s gorgeous!!!
Thanks for the hair compliment! And thanks for tracking me down!
Yeah, it’s difficult being stuck between paying more in child care than you would earn to make it worth your time. I once figured out (when I was a single mom – so there was no other financial help) that after I paid my son’s daycare for the week – I brought home $4 an hour. Ouch. So we ate Ramen Noodles, but by-golly he had a great daycare.
I cannot believe the hate comments! Whatever, more power to people who can afford to stay at home, but I paid big for my education and damnit I am going to use it. I also bring home double what my husband does. I had a difficult time when I went to working full time, because I didnt get as much time with my son, but I LOVE what I do! I know my child is well taken care of, we pay Grandma to make sure of it! Clearly you have many more lovers than haters. ENJOY THEM!! Love ya girl!
I am a stay at home mom and I feel very fortunate to be able to do so, but I sometimes ENVY working moms, talking to people who are taller than 3 feet, not being yelled at by a dicatator…errrr….kid all day, seriously, there are many days when I whip my resume out and mail it off. In fact, I almost took a full time job last summer, *gasp*, I graciously turned it down because I realized I still wanted some more time with my son, but I will work again someday, this gig isn’t forever. I will not be my mom who has been home for 30 plus years.
I don’t know why people would bash you for working. That is so wrong and so sad. Many people need 2 incomes to survive, would they rather you just not work and mooch off the government? Let their tax dollars go to you to support your family? Some people really need to get off their SAHM high horses.
I hate the working v. SAHM debate.
You just gotta do what works for you and your family.
so, i love you on twitter. i’ve even actually read this here blog a time or two. you’re hilarious. and i really really like to laugh. so why am i sitting here crying onto my keyboard?
because you, YOU are what the fuck being a woman is all about. what you wrote about what you would do for your son? THAT. and then some more of THAT. and then, the part where you talk about your income and job being an extra security for your oldest son and his fear *and for god’s sake is that child entitled to that fear* is probably the smartest thing i’ve heard in a long time.
i would hug the shit outta you right now, but i’d get my two-day old mascara all over your pretty shirt *cause in my head you still have on the cute outfit you did on teevee*. so i’ll just say thank you, thank you, thank you. so much love and light to you.
Meredith, We loved your segment at our house too. The hubby especially loved the fruit cup bit… Hilarious! Anyhow… Just wanted to say that you shouldn’t take any of the negative comments to heart… They don’t know you and if they did they would realize that you have a lot to do with your day like working, multi-tasking, putting out fires and playing with your kids and you don’t have the time it would take to be their own personal Snarky Internet A-hole Whisperer. Just sayin…
Hey Meredith! I LOVE your style!!!! I, too, was once a single mom and went back to college to get a career to support my children. I love to work, but I also love my kids, too. I think SAHM’s are kind of snotty at times when it comes to the infamous SAHM/working mom debate, and I really don’t think they understand how much harder it is to be a working mother. For us, the “work” at home piles up all day long while we’re away at our job. We don’t have those 8 hours a day to do the laundry, the grocery shopping, cleaning, and cooking gourmet meals like they do. From Monday-Friday, my house looks like a bomb has gone off; I don’t have time to clean until Saturday and Sunday roll around!
Anyway, I intend on following your blog. I think you’re funny, and everyone could use a little comic relief every once in awhile. It’s a healthy way to de-stress! Keep up the good work!!!
Just my 2-cents. No one should judge a book by its cover. I am a working mom, but I work out of my home (WAHM – work at home mom). Quite often I’m told by mom’s who work out of the home, “Oh, you’re so lucky you get to be home all day.” “I wish I had the luxury of staying home alone while the kids are at school.” “What do you do all day?” I’m WORKING – in addition to doing the laundry, cooking, errands, bill paying, etc.! Sometimes all at the same time. My only job perk is that I can field customer calls, type correspondence, fax, e-mail, pack lunches and drive carpool all in my jammies. Mom’s are mom’s, all day, every day. Working in an office, in their home, volunteering in their child’s school, we need to support and rally around one another. Enough one-upping already.
P.S. Meredith – LOVE the new van!
I think that you being a working mom is wonderful. I’m glad you can make it work! I really want to be a SAHM myself, really. My mother has worked my whole life, and was never around, I want to give more of myself to my children than my mother gave to me. I think it is a very personal decision, and noone has the right to rag on anybody else because of their decision.
Hey my name is becky…and I am a full time nanny. And I’m partial to both sides. For one, if both parents didn’t work, I’d be out of a job. However I feel like the pro-sahm have points too. My boss, who will remain anonymous, loves her children with everything in her. However, she has me come in at the crack of dawn, and doesnt relieve me until her children are either in bed, or I’m brushing their teeth for bed. You get the picture. I just don’t understand how any parent could leave their child all day everyday like that. If you really love your kids, then you would want to spend time with them right? As a nanny for the past 7 years, I’ve seen more parents worry about their appointments, or getting their nails done, than caring for their kids. Some parents telling me not to let their chilrden nap all day (even if I well know they need it) so that they’ll fall asleep right for their kids. This all seems preposterous to me!! I understand if you HAVE to work, i come from a low income family…my parents both worked.. But enough to get by and have some comfort. But are you really working to better your families life? Or are you working to better your own? Ie. having extra money to buy things that will impress others… Keepin up with the jones. … To keep your outer appareamce acceptable to what others may think.. To hav
E that extra new louis vouton bag. This is all the things I’ve seen from working mothers since I became a nanny. And seeing their children be without a mother (or father) so they can go to a golf game, hair apts … Etc. it’s just sad. Your nannies are raising your children for you, remember that.
My nanny works for me from 8:30 am to 5:30 pm. She is not raising my children for me. She is helping me raise my children. It takes a village, and we are so blessed to have her.
We are hardly rich. The clip from our 20/20 debut clearly shows that when you see our home. The Jones’ house was foreclosed on in our neighborhood. This isn’t the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. This is the Real Housewives of Toledo,OH. And trust me, we keep it real around here. This is the real story of two women making it (me and my Becky the Nanny).
Sounds like you have worked for some pretty terrible monsters, but that doesn’t mean all working moms are like that. I would agree that there seems to be some love lost in the families you have worked for, and SHAME on those mothers.
BUT it also doesn’t mean that we should all stay home, either. This is a choice that a mother should be able to make. My mother worked her butt off, and while we had an excellent babysitter growing up, it’s MY MOM that I remember and love more than anything. It’s MY MOM that gave me work ethic and the knowledge that you can have it all. It’s just creating balance (and sometimes creating that balance requires staying up until 1am to get it “all” done while the children are sleeping).