I Am The Worst Employer Ever

by Meredith on November 21, 2012

Dear Becky,

I’m super sorry that I was so caught up with my own birthday, that I forgot about your birthday last week. It wasn’t intentional, I am just super drunk most of the time selfish.

So this morning, when I realized that your birthday was actually last Friday, I rolled the kids out of bed and we decided to make today your birthday.

There was no cake made, as I am out of eggs, but you know that thing would have come from a box anyway.

The kids made you cards on notebook paper and colored them with a highlighter. Do we need more crayons?

And I put money in an envelope for you from Shaun and I. That envelope may or may not say Toledo Edison or Columbia Gas. Sorry about that.

This probably looks thoughtless to you, or maybe it seems like I just threw it all together last minute, but truth be told… shit… you’re right. I suck.

So I thought I’d take a minute to let you know how much we love you.

You are absolutely the best thing that has happened to our family in a very long time. I worry every single day that you’ll quit, and that I would have to find a new nanny. Finding a new nanny would not be easy. You see, you’re more than just a great nanny to our family.

You are all of these things to us:

  • Schedule Organizer
  • Children Runner-Arounder
  • Finder of All Things (Logan’s iPod is missing… again)
  • Booger Wiper
  • Hair Doer
  • Outfit Judger
  • Life Assistant
  • Skilled Nurse
  • Teacher
  • Dinner and Lunch Maker
  • Student Loan Fibber To-er (just keep telling them I’ve moved away or something)
  • Playmate
  • Football Coach
  • Boo-boo Kisser
  • Tutor
  • House Picker-Upper
  • Laundry Doer (remember when you began I had 26 loads of laundry that needed done? and I would just buy new clothes all the time?)
  • Creative Director
  • Proof Reader (except for this one! hope nothing is wrong in this post!)
  • Logan’s Girlfriend (and future wife)
  • Marriage Counselor
  • Emo Fourth Grader Advisor
  • Psychic (you’re always right)
  • Secret Keeper
  • Sister Wife (but without the sex with Shaun… by the way, do mustaches turn you on?)
  • My Best Friend
  • Glue Holding This Family Together

Becky, you mean the world to us. And we just wouldn’t make it without you.

We love you.

Happy not-your-birthday.

Sincerely,

Shaun & Meredith

***

I need all of you readers to do me a favor. I need everyone tell Becky, Happy Birthday, so she doesn’t leave me.

Because if she ever leaves me, it would be the worst break-up ever, and all I would do is lay on my couch and cry for months, and the kids would be coloring on the walls, and I would resort back to buying us new clothes because I hate doing laundry so we’d probably be broke and not have any money to heat the house, and Shaun and I would be fighting all the time, and the kids would be sad, and everyone would be sick, and we’d probably all just shrivel up and die.

So… no pressure on those Becky birthday wishes.

{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }

Tawny

Happy Birthday, BECKY!!!!

Just imagine how awesome of a gift you will get next year if she forgets again!

Reply

Samantha

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BECKY.

Sigh- we forgot our super nannys bday too. Life is crazy. We made up for it by a day at the spa- but I felt (still feel) TERRIBLE!

Reply

Jasmine

Happy Birthday Becky!!! I am sure you can milk this one for quite some time!!

Reply

Heather @Domestic Extraordinaire

Happy Birthday Becky!! I hope today is the best non birthday ever!

Reply

Farrar

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Becky!! You sound amazing!! Hope that you had a wonderful birthday and have a great Thanksgiving!! Happy Thanksgiving to you too Meredith and family!

Reply

Rae Ann

Happy Birthday, Becky!!! I hope Meredith makes it up to you with huge bonus and a day off!!

Reply

Carolanne Nadeau

Happy belated birthday Becky!

Don’t leave them…..

Reply

Steph

Happy Birthday Becky!!

Reply

Jennifer

Happy Birthday Becky!!! Do you have a twin perhaps? Into cloning?

Reply

Deanna

BECKY…. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!

Reply

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]

Clearly, Becky deserves a raise for putting up with your shenanigans.

Happy Birthday, Becky!

Reply

Julie

Happy Non Birthday Becky! We had a great time celebrating last Friday. Next year Meredith, you and Shaun can celebrate with us too, I’ll remind you, but I don’t think you’ll forget now. LOL

Reply

Tara@DTKMMLC

Happy Birthday, Becky!

P.S. I would NEVER forget your birthday. And I only have two kids. And I do laundry. Call me, maybe?

Kidding. Meredith would kill me and then my kids would be sad.

Reply

Sara

A Very Merry Unbirthday to you, Becky!

Reply

Crystal

Awww poor Becky! Happy belated birthday! Im sure you can use this to your advantage ;) “Hey Becky! You forgot to pick up the kids!” “Well you forgot my birthday so…”

Also, holy crap Logan looks exactly like a tiny little midget Shaun!

Reply

Amber GO!

Happy birthday, Becky! (And we know you mean every word, Meredith!)

Reply

Becky

Happy Girl with the Awesome Name, who works for a girl with another awesome name (my daughter is Meredith. Swear I didn’t know your Meredith before my Meredith was born).
You do, however have grounds to reminder Meredith and Shaun every week for the next 51 weeks how many weeks it is until your birthday. And they can’t say anything about it. Or you quit. You can use this to your advantage for the next year.

Reply

Crista

Happy Birthday Becky!!!

Reply

Nuala Reilly

Happy Birthday Becky!! Do you have a Canadian cousin??

Reply

Michael

Becky, I can’t imagine how you do what you do. To be honest, this blog would probably not exist, or would be a lot sadder and suck a lot more if you weren’t Meredith’s life support staff. So happy birthday, and thank you from someone who is glad this blog isn’t *always* about crying. You rock!

Reply

Mom

Becky, I raised her to be more thoughtful than this! I hope she put “a lot” of money in that envelope. Our whole family loves you very much! Nina

Reply

Beth

Happy Birthday Becky! :)

Reply

Deborah N

Happy Birthday Becky!

Reply

chrisinphx

Happy Belated Birfday Becky! You need a cape to make your super hero status official.

Reply

Cindy

Happy Belated Birthday Becky! Everyone should be lucky enough to have you in their lives.

Reply

KellyW

Happy Birthday, Becky! I have forgotten pretty much everyone’s birthday this year! I need a do over…

Reply

BECKY

Thanks to everyone for my birthday wishes! They truly mean a lot. Just so everyone knows, Meredith is very good to me. I love her and her family. They are now apart of me. I consider Meredith, her family, Shaun, his family, Lars, his family Logan and Lilah ALLFAMILY…. I am a very lucky girl… Can I call myself girl? I did just turn 45! Once again…. Thanks to everyone, especially Meredith… I love you girl!!!!!

Reply

Krystle {snarkykisses}

Happy Happy Happy Birthday Becky!! I think it’s safe to say, you mean the world to this fun little family!

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: