Date This Man (or I will punch you all in the vagina)

by Meredith on September 27, 2011

Last night on Brittany & Meredith Live, we spoke to Justin on the air.

For those of you who tuned in, you can agree.  Justin’s voice is like sex.  Not drunk-sloppy-messy sex.  His voice is more like slow-smooth-perfect sex.

But Justin has a problem.  He can’t find the right woman.  This is amazing to me because I think I could totally date him.  You know, if I were single.

I’m not single.

However, I am an excellent matchmaker!  So that’s what we’re doing today, girls.  Today we are finding Justin some dates.  Pretend like I’m Patti Stanger and Justin is my client.  And together, we’re going to change a couple of lives!  I introduced my oldest brother to his wife.  And now I plan to do the same for Justin.

Here is what you need to know about Justin:

  • 29 years-old
  • 5 foot, 8 inches
  • Has tattoos on his back and upper arms – they’re cool and sexy
  • Has been in Sales at the same job since July, 2010 (and before that he had another job – he can keep a job is what I’m trying to say)
  • He likes kids
  • He has no kids of his own… that he is aware of
  • Educated
  • Non-practicing Christian
  • He likes guy things, like football & hockey
  • Super funny
  • Democrat
  • Favorite music:  KISS, Queen, Pink Floyd, A Perfect Circle, The Beatles, Dave Mathews Band, Live
  • Favorite movies:  Mallrats, Clerks, Fight Club, Office Space
  • Favorite TV shows:  The Office, The Daily Show
  • I forgot to ask him if he reads.  But I know he can write.  He writes World’s Last Single Guy.
  • Sings in the car & shower
  • Likes chicken wings & beer
  • Did I mention his voice sounds like sex?
  • Lives in Ohio
  • Enjoys long walks on a beach
  • Wears matching shoes
  • Open to long distance relationships

And here is what he looks like playing with his niece:

This is Justin counting money at work (with a less attractive guy at that can play air duster):

Here is what he looks like when he is making you laugh until you pee your pants:

This is an example of how Justin makes you day dream about having his babies:

And here is Justin in his car:

And finally, Justin bought a girl these flowers and posted it to Facebook:

I’m giving away dates with Justin.  Yes, I am now into human trafficking.

Single ladies, do you want a date with Justin?  I think you do!

To get into contact with Justin, you need to leave a comment with your idea of the perfect first date.  Also leave some information about yourself.  For example, I would write this:  ”My perfect first date would be a karaoke contest.  I would win.  He would find this lovely.  I am an HR Manager with three kids.  I have a nice rack and great blonde hair.  I am very funny.  I don’t like pets.  I kiss on the first date.”

Make sure you put in a VALID email address so I can reach you!  Since I am the matchmaker, I will do the screening.  No married chicks.  No dudes.  

If you’re not single, feel free to share this post with all of your single friends.  Post it on Facebook, Google+, Twitter, and help me whore out Justin!  OMG, you guys!  This is so much fun!  I hope we can make a love connection!

{ 72 comments… read them below or add one }

Crystal

He’s not paying you for this…right? Pimping him out is illegal…even in Ohio…He really is hilarious though.

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Meredith

Not paying me! And I didn’t “try him out” either.

Are you single?

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Crystal

I guess I am technically single…but I don’t think the guy I’m banging would be happy with me seeing other guys..

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Jenna

I’m totally single and having the same trouble! Dating in Ohio is rough!!!! Everyone needs a little human trafficking in their dating life, so I am now soliciting myself for a date =) Here I go: I’m short and adorable, all good things come in small packages. What I lack in height I make up for with personality and the volume of my voice (and volume of my hair….not like Jersey Shore type, but as in before I flat iron out my curls but after I blow dry it I can double for a Scottish chick with an auburny-redish afro). I’m 30, love football, and think singing in the shower is even better when you can harmonize together in there….bathrooms have great acoustics. I give a great “I want to kiss you look” at the end of a great first date =) Whew, now I don’t know if I should be proud that I sound awesome or embarrassed that I’m bragging! Happy Tuesday!

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Meredith

You are getting a date, lady! I want to date you now! More details to come.

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Jenna

Hooray! We can double…..a gorgeous blonde and a sassy red head…..we could take over the world!

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Becky

Best part is he’s a Steelers fan! lol. Wish I knew some single ladies to check him out!

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Kelsey

My perfect date would be somthing like an amusement park. That way we could laugh and joke, and know that we can have a blast together. Also, unless im screaming my brains out and puking on all the rollercoasters, it will save us from all that first date akwardness. But lucky for you, Justin, I love rollercoasters! Afterwards we would do somthing low-key. Dinner, dessert, walk on thr beach, get wasted, whichever presents itself at the time.

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Meredith

And you win a date! More details to come.

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AngieM.

darn it…he’s too far for me…oh, wait PLUS i’m married ..so there’s that.

he was pretty fucken hilarious AND definitely sounded like sex…i hope you find him someone equally awesome.

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Ana

All that AND he’s a Steelers fan? I’m married (to a Bengals fan, no less), but wanted to highlight this important attribute to the single gals.

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maggie

Ahh…to bad Justin isn’t 10 yrs older and living in upstate NY..lol. This should be a fun adventure!!! Good luck!!

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Jen

So your saying that he isn’t into the idea of becoming a ‘brother husband’?

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Carla

LOL – I seriously laughed out loud.

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Meredith

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!

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kelly

i am totally single but live in new jersey (bleh.)
sad, he is totally hot.
(plus i have totally great boobs…..my guess is he’s into that sort of thing??)

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Meredith

I think NJ is JUST FINE! You can Skype each other.

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kelly

Well, I am your friend on google+ (which I know you hate but still) and Brittney’s onFB and I don’t think Ohio is that far away……..if the other single, local ladies don’t work out you know where to find me ;)

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Selina

This is freakin hilarious and full of awesomeness. Totally single, but there are like a ton of states between Texas and Ohio…i think? I’m smart, I swear I’m totally smart. And you had me at “no kids of his own” where are these guys? Obviously in Ohio and so not in Texas. The Beatles, beer, chicken wings..YES YES and YES! Does he have a twin in Texas?

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Meredith

This is why Al Gore invented the internet. You can totally Skype each other.

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Cindy

Why is this guy single? What is wrong with ladies these days????? I’m married so I’m out of the running but dang – what a catch!

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Meredith

I know. Ladies are picking the wrong men.

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Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]

I think the divorce would cost me too much. Is he interested in married mothers from Florida?

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Meredith

Can you get my family free Disney passes? Yes? He is totally interested.

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Lacey

Damn, he’s hot! Damn, I’m not single! Good luck to you & Justin!

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Meredith

No schleps on this site! I hope we can make a match for him!

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Nancy P

Dang! I’m old enough to be his mom AND I’m married. Otherwise I would SO want to date him. WTH is wrong with the women in Ohio?!

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Jenny Grace

LIVES IN OHIO.

California has a dearth of worthwhile men. Or worthwhile to me.

Good luck Justin!

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mari

sounds like a catch..

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Nikki

He’s cute! I’m in Oklahoma, and I’m single. I’m not sure if I’m his type.

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Meredith

We will let Facebook decide. Friend him.

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Keith

He MUST have VD or something. Hahaha, ok, just kidding … but perhaps in the car picture it implies he doesn’t own a razor?! Alright, I’m done now. Maybe.

Justin, if this doesn’t work I might consider becoming a eunuch.

AND now I’m done.

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Meredith

YOU STOP IT NOW, KEITH!

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Keith

WHAT?!? I said I was done! =)

Of course, ladies, I kid. Justin is one of my best buds and he truly deserves a great woman.

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Sara

I am totally single, but live in CA and dating here sucks damn it.

He is super cute.

Does he want to move?

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Meredith

For the right woman!

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Jenny Grace

Dating DOES suck in California! (I’m here too, but willing to take transplants!)

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AmazingGreis

The dating pool ain’t great in Texas either. Or, you know, not for me anyways.

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Carley

Perfect first date? I would love to do a Sunday date! We could walk around the museum at the Frick and have lunch at the Frick Cafe. Perfect easy way to get to know one another! Easy and laid back…

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Meredith

We should date. I would love this. Okay, let’s make a connection between the two of you.

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Carley

HAHA!! I’m 29 (almost 30, next month, and it hurts my soul). I’m 5’4″ (midget-like) with short, brown hair. AND! I’m a shop teacher! Woo! Make a connection… GO!

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Meredith

Just emailed you. Friend me on Facebook. facebook.com/meredith.soleau

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Mea

Okay so I’m going to be a tots creep and do this – and I just said tots and that makes it ten times worse.

My idea of a perfect first date? It’d start out with cheesy zombie movies being projected on…Something large that you can project movies on, in fall, with popcorn and caramel apples. It would then turn into a giant NERF gun fight, but totally cutesy NERF gun fight where I may or may not let him win, but I probably wouldn’t because I’m slightly competitive. I’m a licensed therapeutic massage therapist in training [graduating in July!], I’m 20, brunette, pale as the sun, and have a butt like a Latino girl. :)

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Mea

Also I have one bebeskin, she’s pretty adorable. And I also have tattoos, and, uh, I’m awesome.

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Meredith

Mea! Why do you have to be 20? Okay, let me see what I can do.

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Mea

Stupid parents fornicating 4 years too late? :( Ew, now I’m thinking about my parents boning.

Stupid stork, dropping me off 4 years too late!

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Nancy [Spinning My Plates]

I have the perfect match for Justin. Their blogs were made for each other.

Justin – Meet “The Last Girl Standing.” http://www.lastgirlstanding.com/

She’s one of the sweetest, nicest, most sensitive girls I’ve ever known. She’s a Canadian, so being nice is just in her genes…or the water. Either way, you need to meet her. She’s as cute as a pixie, smart, funny, a world traveler, and an ambitious DIY decorator who could really use a guy to help her finish off her bathroom project (she’s too sweet to make the crass “laying pipe” joke, but she’ll sure laugh if someone else makes it).

Trust me. I’m not wrong.

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Meredith

We need to make this happen. With our powers combined…

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Mommiev

I live in Indiana, which is right next to Ohio. Which I hope totally qualifies me. My idea of the perfect first date would be … oh, hell, there is no perfect first date. IT’S A FIRST DATE. It would involve something funny but also a way to talk and get to know each other. Or, football and beer, whatever. I’m a college professor with one kid and a codependent mother. I hope he likes older women :)

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Meredith

I think he does!

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Samantha Miller

HA! I have been TOTALLY reading his blog (which I found through you! :) ) and have been admiring him from afar((sucker for facial hair right here)! I am 24 (almost 25!) Just graduated school with my Doctorate in Physical Therapy. woot woot!My dream date would be a long walk on a beach during a romantic sunset with a candle lit dinner on the beach… KIDDING! My idea of a good date would be something fun/active like rock climbing (gotta check out his rear-end somehow.;) ) or going to a comedy club. I LOVE LOVE LOVE to laugh and a great way to break the first date/meet jitters and if it goes well you can always grab coffee or drink after to discuss the amazing show you just saw. I am all for going dutch or paying for some dates. The whole “man should pay” thing is overrated. I am a very strong and independent woman and my family means the absolute world to me. Want anything else I am an open book! You have my e-mail.

p.s my grandmother taught me how to make some kick ass homemade italian food. Pasta and sauce from scratch?! Yea, it’s pretty much the greatest thing alive.

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Meredith

Are we Facebook friends? You need to friend me and then I’ll connect the two of you.

http://www.facebook.com/meredith.soleau

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lena gudell

Wow human trafficking… Can’t be illegal if he’s a willing participant right?

Perfect first date would be bw3s for wings and a game followed by a walk on the beach somewhere(I live in FL) originally from the Midwest (chicago/milwaukee). Navy veteran (cryptology) 28yrs old love football and basketball college sports are awesome! Love to be goofy and have fun can be loud sometimes (puerto rican and Irish) love my boobs… Jeans and tennis shoe kinda chic been bungee jumping jet skiing and loves roller coasters… Long distance isn’t bad if ppl are willing :)

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Meredith

Just emailed you. Add me as your Facebook friend. http://www.facebook.com/meredith.soleau

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lena gudell

Request has been sent :-)

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AmazingGreis

Why does he have to live in Ohio? *sigh*

Or, you know, why do I have to live in Texas?

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AmazingGreis

Also, the picture of him in a jersey up there…looks like a football jersey….like a Steelers jersey to be exact. I may not agree with his choice in football teams, especially this week since my team (GO TEXANS) plays his team, but if he’s nice enough I might let that slide.

Also, I like beer and wings.

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Meredith

You two are going to become Facebook friends.

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Katie

So he’s good looking, paternal, has a car and writes well.

My ideal first date with him can probably take palce in his back seat ;)

I’m 23, a grade one teacher by day and batwoman by night, I write a blog too. Minor issue, I live in Abu Dhabi!

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Meredith

HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA! I love your ideal date! Somehow, I think Abu Dhabi is a bit too far, but if you’re ever in the States…

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Crystal Case

No dudes? The big sense of humor picture is a little misleading. I’m disappointed. *Sigh* oh well, guess that eliminates me from qualifying for a date. :( lol.

(I’m not single, just wanted to comment on that picture lol). He’s hot so I will be passing this along for sure! :D

Good luck Justin! :)

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alishia thompson

He is very handsome , has great taste in music . And a great sense of humor:) I wonder if he likes chocolate ?? Im a cowboys fan , and i love music and art. Im 5’6 and eccentric . I am also from OH (toledo). I love animals , I have no children . I am studying to become a elementary teacher. Also im a Capricorn and im into astrology:)

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Meredith

HE IS IN TOLEDO! This is obviously meant to be.

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Michelle

I have to admit that I’m very tempted to be “in the running,” so to speak (I’m local!), but I think I’m probably too quiet/shy for him. He seems like a good guy and he’s really good looking (I’m a sucker for stubblyish facial hair) though!

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Stephanie

Im technically still married, going through a divorce so im prolly out, but I would say If I had a date with him, Id like to go to the pool hall shoot some pool have some drinks hang out and get to know each other. see where the night goes. If that got old go some where else and find something else to do just have some fun. Good Luck Justin!

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Betty

I think you should start a dating service, and after finding Justin a date, you can find me one. In Utah. Your famous right? you can do that!

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Pip

Haha! So I am guessing Australia is to far?
Loving the blog! Hope Justin finds ‘the one’

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Kate

What a great guy…right now I am in South Dakota, but when I am done with school in a year and half, I will be looking for a job…and a possible relocation ;)

I am 29 years old, never married, no kids (except for a cat, if that counts) I am a medical assisting student at a technical college, and looking to go into nursing in the future. I am always up for trying new things and usually never afraid to do something at least once; like being set-up with a guy I’ve never met by a blogger on the internet I have never met either.

The prefect first date…definitely dinner, then depending on what kind of town I am in, I would like to go and karaoke, or maybe go mini-golfing, see a movie, or if I am in a place that I have never been in before, I am always up for a mini-tour of the sights.

I am an open book, feel free to ask me whatever you’d like :)

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Ceci

Wow he is very cute and just out of curiosity I had to check out his blog, Holy Moly that’s some crazy high school shit going on with his blog. Yikes! But again very cute could definetly use a sweet girl.

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Last Girl Standing

Hellooooooo Meridith! LGS here! (sounds a bit like a degenerative disorder but I assure you I’m not contagious. Infections, maybe. Contagious, definitely not) Thanks for the comment on my blog-er-ooni (<- technical term). I didn't publish it, what with it having your full name in it and all and me having copious (ie. 3) readers and such. Thanks so much for stopping by and pimping out your friend! It's so sweet that Nancy told you how awesome I am (remind me to mail her a cheque… yes that's how we spell 'check' in Canada, eh?), she's such a sweet (smart) gal! Alas, I'm afraid the torrid love affair between the Last Girl Standing and the World's Last Single Guy is never meant to be because, well, let's be honest… my boobs are big and my body is not bikini worthy. Sad but true. But I do wish Justin luck in his search of a flat-chested swimsuit model, he seems like a nice enough fella! I'll be checking back in to see how the matchmaking goes and because, well, you're clearly awesome. Cheers!

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Becky

I’m late to the party b/c I just downloaded the pod cast, and OMG you’re right his voice is like sex. My idea of a perfect date would be if I was at least 10 years younger, without the drama teens I’m raising, and I lived in Ohio.
But yeah, he’s HAWT.

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